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Willow and Tara's Life

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[ooc post] [14 Apr 2004|06:53pm]

[Thanks everyone who's read this community. However it's now going to be closed. For the time being]
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Meet the parents [08 Feb 2004|10:59pm]

[ mood | accomplished ]

We all have our little secrets, some we keep because they are joyous surprises for friends and loved ones, the others, the most real and pressing ones are the dark little secrets - the ones that we can never reveal.

For the longest time my dark little secret was that I was afraid. I was afraid of this one thing I seemed to have no control over, the one thing I wanted to bury under the floorboards and forget about. But it grew, and I was no longer just afraid, I was disgusted - for the most part with myself because with disgust would grow dishonesty and cowardice.

I was in love, with a girl - the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. My heart would break with even a glance from her. I tried to tell myself that it was just because I respected her and that it would only be natural that my feelings of respect would eventually drive me to seek closeness with her.

But I knew this wasn’t true, I’d felt this way before, this was attraction - pure and simple, a connection I needed to make. A container to carry the hot burrowing feeling in my stomach, making me feel weak and dizzy. I worshipped her more intently than any Goddess I could name.

I met Willow at Wicca group.

But I knew her along time before that, In my heart and my restless dreams from the few times I’d seen her beautiful face in the library or around campus. It made my heart sing and brought a smile to my face. The one or two ‘friends’ I clung to began to ask me who ‘he’ was and when I was seeing him again as my true feelings of happiness began to surface.

I lied to my friends, keeping up the pretence that ‘he’ was just a friend who enjoyed my company and spending time talking to me, because I was afraid - of their judgments and cruelties. My lie became my own personal drowning point - the lies were becoming more elaborate and was becoming more disgusted with myself because there could be no shame in loving someone as wonderful as Willow. But I still clung onto that feeling that the world would want to ridicule me.

But I confronted my fears, the cruelty of others and the contempt of my blood ties and ‘came out’ with my real feelings to the people I believed meant the most to me and the world turned into this magnificent place, with Willow in my life and her friends as my new family.

Now it was Willow’s turn to face the prejudices head on. She decided that she would tell her Mother about our relationship, I admit it hadn’t turned out as well as hoped and we were ‘basking’ in it’s glorious aftermath. She sat slumped by the front door, the hurt clearly visible across her normally angelic face. You see, Willow’s dark little secret isn’t that she’s scared how the world will see her for loving me - it’s something a little deeper than that.

“Honey, talk to me?”

“Well…that majorly sucked…” She sighed.

A smile graced my lips. “It’s true it’s not the happy ending we were inevitably fishing for.”

She raised a brow. “That’s it!” She sat up and the pout crept over her face.


“I’m cutting you off! No more studying ancient texts with Giles, cos you’re starting to channel him… Next you‘ll be asking if I would ‘mind ever so much’ fixing you up some tea and getting you a copy of the Daily Mail - purely for the cricket results you understand!”

I could feel the grin forming and sat down next to her. “Would you? - be a love, ooh and a copy of The Sun…purely for the page three girls you understand.”

“But….but they’re half naked! You can see their….” She made what I can only describe as a crude melon squeezing motions.

I wiggled my eye brows suggestively.

“Oh veeery funny!”

I smiled. “A gal has to feel useful round here with ya’ll out fightin’ demons, sugar.” I gave her a wink. “Besides I have to keep up with the spells…it’s a little harder for me and Mr Giles is a good teacher.”

The frown dropped away from her face and was quickly replaced with a smirk, then she leaned in for a kiss before laying her head in my lap. “Why did this all get so screwed up?”

“I wouldn’t really say it’s screwed up - I mean this is a huge thing to process in one go - your Mother probably just needs a little time.”

Willow shifted in her position and looked up at me. “Nu uh, this is just typical of her - If she can’t accept it she just denies it, she can displace the information and still live in denial land - doesn‘t she know what ‘De Nile’ is a river?”

I was just waiting for her to get up and start pacing.

“I mean - there was the whole trying to burn me at the stake thing…never spoken of again.” She waved her hands in the air in a little ‘poof’ motion.

I tilted my head. “Is that what’s really bothering you? Your Mother denying it or you?”


“Because I thought you were happy that she wasn’t involved in our lives?” She gave me the puppy dog frown. “I promise I’m getting to a point here.”

I smiled. “Isn’t this the same kind of thing? - she isn’t involved…we hardly see her, she denies what you have told her…we hardly ever see her to talk about it anyway.”

“Yeah but she makes me kinda angry..”

“Why?” I wanted to let her finish without me coaching her - to find out the real reasoning for her contempt at the situation.

She looked at me with big teary green eyes and a tiny voice and her dark little secret was to be revealed. “I want her to take an interest, but she wont even accept me for me.”

And finally we were there, Willow still seeked the approval from her parents after all this time. For all the years she had driven herself by herself, she had always craved the praise and the pride she achieved solely for.

“Honey, just because she doesn’t wear her emotions out there on her sleeve doesn’t mean she isn’t proud of you or you haven’t lived up to her expectations…You know that right?”

She sat up and looked me in the eyes. “You think so?…she never shows it, neither does Dad…I guess it’s just cos I’m not carrying on the Rosenberg genius…I‘m not some well known psychologist rewriting theories and research books.”

“Does it help that you’ve read most of the books ever written?” I said with a sympathetic smile.

“Well more like scanned them…”

“And had better grades than anyone in the class, even after everything that happened?”

Willow smirked. “Well I found someone who inspired me…”

I beamed.

“…But she’s always gone on about Grandchildren. Cute little red haired grandchildren.”


“H-hair color has been k-k-known to skip a generation or two.” I said. Damn that treacherous stutter.

“L’Oreal manufacture some great shades.” she said with a shrug.

“You know what I think?”

“That you love me more than yesterday?” She said with a satisfied smile.

I grinned back. “Of course, but also…I think that your Mother wouldn’t have reacted at all if she didn’t take any pride in you or who you are.”

“You think I’m being stupid don’t you?” She said with crossed arms.

“No, I think it’s a silly notion to think your parents don’t care…but it’s perfectly human to want your parents to be involved in everything you do.”

“Pride.” She said simply. “It’s just like that film, with Kevin Spacey all mad and hairless and the head in the box at the end. Oh Goddess…I’m turning into Brad Pitt…”

I laughed. “I should hope not…that man needs to find a razor half the time….still, he is cute like a puppy.”

“Hey now…sitting right here!”

“Willow, I’m going out for a bit.”

She looked at me, more than a little puzzled. “Whaa? Where are you going?...what are you doing?”

“I’m going to channel Mr Giles a little more.”

“Not the tweed, please not the tweed…me and Kitty...well…we just wouldn’t be able to handle it, I-it‘s all scratchy and dull, did I mention scratchy?…I like bright, clingy and non coordinating you!”

I tried not to laugh as I stood. “Ah yes, flattery.”

“What is it then?”

“I’m going to exercise the English forwardness and speak to your parents.”

Willow’s eyes went wide. “You remember when Glory sucked your brain away? You were there but you couldn’t find a way out? Imagine that times infinity and without the loss of sanity!”

“Will, it’s okay - I’ve never really introduced myself to them…I figure this as good a time as any. I promise I wont be gone long.” I picked up my bag and headed for the door. “And if you’re good while I’m away…I’ll pick up some donuts.”

She grinned, one of the best ways to calm a worried Willow is to feed her…I swear she picked it up from Xander.

I made my way through the streets, out to the suburbs where all the houses and yards seemed to look and feel the same. Hardly any children out playing games. I was half expecting all the residents to come out at the same time to mow the lawns. As I got closer to the Rosenberg residence I realized my time would have been more productively spent figuring out something at least half decent to say, rather than ‘Hi, I’m practically your daughter-in-law and I thought I would just pop by for coffee on the off chance that you will welcome me in with open arms.’

I hadn’t even realized I was already standing at the front door. I brushed down my skirt and blouse and took a deep breath before I knocked. Mr Rosenberg answered, his reading glasses half way down his nose.

“Hi Mr Rosenberg..”


“Tara Maclay…”

“Ah Willow’s friend right?”

I nodded.

“Come on in.”

He stepped aside and welcomed me in. Even though it wasn’t the first time I had visited I still couldn’t resist a sly glance at the pictures along the walls. Willow, Buffy, Xander and Oz all in their gowns for graduation - all looking a little tattered. Mr and Mrs Rosenberg being handed an award at a presentation, and a family shot - where I could only hazard a guess that Willow must have been around two or three years old. I smiled, they were all huddled together and all looked so happy.

Mr Rosenberg closed the door. “Is everything okay? I mean I half expected Willow to be with you.”

“Actually Mr Rosenberg, I came to speak with you and Mrs Rosenberg.”

He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “Please call me Ira, You are a grown woman after all, between you and me and although Sheila seems to think it only appropriate - It makes me feel a little old.” He smiled and I returned it.

He ushered me through to the kitchen. “Would you like a drink? I’m afraid Sheila isn’t back yet. I’m surprised you didn’t see her actually - she said she was going to visit Willow.”

“I’m fine thank you, She did stop by…unfortunately we didn’t all part on the best of terms and I wanted to come over to fix things.”

“Well I’m sure it isn’t anything that can’t be fixed.” He turned and walked around the kitchen table pulling out a chair. “Please take a seat…apologies for the clutter on the table…Sheila and I are due to go away to a seminar in Las Vegas in a few days…never hurts to start getting yourself organized early, wouldn’t you say?”

I nodded as I sat down. I could see where Willow got her eagerness from, always prepared for anything well in advance. My attention turned to the hallway as I heard the front door shut.

“Ira? Are you in the kitchen? I have something we must talk about…”

Mrs Rosenberg breezed in from the hallway and into the kitchen.

“I’m glad you’re back, Willow’s friend Tara stopped by to talk to us….” Mr Rosenberg began.

Mrs Rosenberg looked a little shocked at my presence. “Tara? What are you doing here?”

I stood from the chair. “I came over to talk to you and Mr Rosenberg…”

“Ira.” He added

“Ira.” I finished, with a nervous smile in his direction.

“Don’t you think it would be polite to get our visitor a cup of coffee?” She looked to Ira.

I jumped in. “Actually Mrs Rosenberg, Ira did offer but I didn’t want a drink. I realize you both must be busy right now - with the trip and all but I thought this was important.”

She sat down at the table and Ira sat down next to her. I took a seat and cleared my throat.

“I realize that things must have come as a shock to you today.”

“Just a little..” Mrs Rosenberg answered a little defensively.

“Was there a problem Sheila? I thought it was just a social call?” Ira shifted a little in his seat.

“It’s what I wanted to talk to you about Ira, I didn’t know Tara would be here. Willow and Tara are together.”

“Well of course they are..” He chuckled. “We helped Willow move some of her things over last year. You thought it was a wonderful thing Willow was gaining her own independence.”

“No I mean ‘together’ together.” Mrs Rosenberg continued.

Ira frowned for a moment, considering the information he had just been given. Then it sunk in.


“As I said, it must have come as a shock to you today.”

Mrs Rosenberg relaxed a little and slipped into a more formal manner. Professional mode was now activated, this was going to be tricky. “You have to understand this is a huge issue to deal with right away.”

I looked down at the table as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. “Is it though? I mean, an issue?”

I could feel her staring at me before Ira continued. “Well, it’s commonplace for people of your age to have these type of feelings…especially as you both spend so much time in each other’s company.”

He shifted a little and continued. “…I’ve dealt with many cases…I mean it even happens in extreme situations, for example hostages or kidnap victims have been known to develop strong physical and emotional feelings for their aggressors after long periods of time…”

“I am aware of Stockholm Syndrome Mr Rosenberg…but this isn’t at all like that…Neither of us is forcing the other into this…we both care deeply about each other…I promised her I would take care of her and protect her.”

Mrs Rosenberg interrupted. “In my professional opinion I believe this to be merely a phase…”

“And in your parental opinion?” I looked up and challenged her, slightly annoyed with her instant dismissal of my feelings. She didn’t say anything and so I continued.

“I have never loved anyone as much as I love Willow, Mrs Rosenberg and I will never hurt her, if that means you have to hate the idea of us being together…”
“You’d leave her?” She questioned.

I looked her in the eye. “No. I would be all the family she has been for me…but I really hope it doesn’t have to be that way. I don‘t want her to be caught in a situation where she feels compelled to choose…this isn‘t what all of this is about.”

She sighed. There were quite a few moments of silence. Sheila stood and paced a little, I had to hide a smile by biting my lip as I recognized the movements mirrored by Willow earlier that afternoon. Ira sighed and lightly drummed his fingers on the table as if some mystical rhythm would give him the answer.

Sheila stopped and sat back down, she looked to Ira who nodded.

She looked back to me. “Are you both happy?”

“Very much so, I love her with all my heart.”

“Does she feel the same?”

I smiled.

“It’s going to take some time for us to get used to it, I feel like we barely know our own daughter any more.”

In that moment I noticed how truly sad she looked.

“If it makes any difference, Willow feels the same…and because of it she seems to think that you both are disappointed with her. It’s like she believes that because you haven’t taken as active a roll in her life recently…you aren’t proud that she’s achieved so much. I told her that I didn‘t think that was true.”

Ira looked at me. “We just thought that she would fair much better if we let her start making her own choices…we just saw things through our professional eyes. But we have always been proud of her achievements. ”

Sheila nodded. “She’s was always so consistent with her grades and her awards and she‘s always topic of conversation at our seminars.”

“I guess, maybe she just needs to hear it once in a while.” I gently slipped in, after all I’m pretty sure they don’t need parenting tips from me.

Mrs Rosenberg looked at me with a shocked and somewhat horrified expression…maybe the advice was a little too much.

“Oh Tara, I’m sorry - I’m usually so brash with you…ordering you round your own home…such.”

I smiled, a little relieved. “It’s okay, really…In all fairness you really don’t know me that well, but I’d like to get the chance to get to know you both if you’d like to get to know me better. You both have always been welcome at the apartment.”

She took a quick glance at the table before looking back at me. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, I just think….Ira and myself just need a little time to adjust first.”

I nodded…at least it was a starting point.

“Well after that I think I need a cup of caffeine…anyone care to join me?” Ira asked and I nodded with a smile.

I made my way back home, feeling, well - a little proud of myself actually. I opened the door and scanned around looking for Willow, who was sitting cross legged on the couch.

“Oh thank the Goddesses, you’re still in one piece…did they try analyzing you or start calling you Terri?”

I placed the box of donuts on the counter in the kitchen as I breezed through. Willow got up and followed me in.

“Tara?…please talk to me…it was much worse wasn’t it?”

I picked up a donut. “Piece of cake.”

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Why I don't live with my parents [04 Jan 2004|01:12pm]

[ mood | rejected ]

The New Year often brings resolutions. Now if you ask me, mine's just to keep doing what I'm doing, maybe actually do some more reading because I'm still all about the book knowledge gal. Oh yes, and not to die in Sunnydale. It's always a bonus.

So after Ms. Potter stopped by and gave us those awful cookies, I thought Tara and I could've spent some quality time just relaxing. But no it wasn't to be really because the next thing I heard was another knock at the door. Tara was in the kitchen cleaning up the great cookie disaster from Ms. Potter and then came back in and we were about to engage in some well New Year's celebrations of our own and then there was a knock.

I answered it and my jaw dropped. It had to have been some evil vampire. No wait, it was the middle of the day, hence no vampire. I thought possibly maybe demon. But they are usually not so polite with a knock. No it was something far worse than all of this put together.

It was mom.

Sheila Rosenberg in the flesh. At our apartment door. "Hello Willow."

Tara came out of the kitchen and looked at me, "Sweet-oh. Hi Mrs. Rosenberg."

"Hello girls, I was in the neighborhood, thought I'd drop in for a visit. I know I usually call but there wasn't much time. Aren't you going to let me in Willow?"

I tried not whimper towards Tara. She just gave me a look of be nice Willow this won't go so badly.

Sure, I thought. As long as mom isn't enchanted by some demon who wanted to burn me at the stake that one time and Buffy along with Amy, we're just fine. "Sure Mom. No problem at all."

It didn't take long for my mom to give her opinion about where Tara and I lived. She went on about how the place was a mess. Tara couldn't take it and finally interrupted with, "Mrs. Rosenberg, can I get you som tea?"

"Oh that would be very productive of you Tara. Thank you." Mom sat on the couch glancing at me.

Guess I was on my own here. No saving from the great girlfriend.

"Mom, not that I'm not happy to see you," total lie continued in my head, I thought sitting across from her on a chair. "But what brought the prompt visit, I mean you usually do call. Not that I was expecting a call, but it would've been nice to at least um, prepare. Yes prepare for a visit."

"Willow, that's exactly why I came. You never call your father or I, and we haven't even seen that Bunny or Xander friend of yours in ages. I was worried that you were disappointing us again, with your friends."

I took a deep breath. "Mom, it's Buffy. And maybe this is why I don't call. I better go see if Tara needs help with the tea."

I got up from my chair and sighed going into the kitchen. "She's impossible," I muttered under my breath. "I mean, completely this is so unfair. I mean here she is showing up, without even calling us. Who does she think she is? The president. I mean it's ridiculous."

"Will?" Tara was fixing up the tea with bags. She came over to me and pulled me into a hug. "She's your mom. We'll get through this. Together. I promise." She kissed me softly on the forehead.

I smiled softly. My baby always knew how to reassure me. We headed in there with one thing on my mind. To be well, better. Better than before. Just one problem. My mom still doesn't know I'm gay and doesn't know that I'm with Tara.

She brought the tea out and placed it in front of my mom. "Thank you so much Tara. You're always so polite. Perhaps Willow could learn a thing or two."

Tara didn't say much except thank you and ducked her head and pulled up a chair next to me. "It's n-n-nice to see you Mrs. Rosenberg."

My mom said nothing and sipped her tea. And this is when I spoke up. "Mom there's something I need to tell you."

"Oh Willow, please let it be that you're not dating some musician again."

I took a deep breath. "Oh Oz, no, he's long gone."

"Thank goodness, he seemed a bit strange."

A brief memory stirred in me about Oz. "No he wasn't. He just was stoic, that's not the point. Mom, Tara and I have known each other a long time."

"Yes and she's simply a lovely girl." Tara glanced upwards and smiled softly.

"She is. But she's my girl." Somehow I didn't think my mom was going to take this like Buffy did.

"Your girl? What do you mean-oh." My mom nearly dropped her tea cup and then stood up. I felt Tara's hand go instantly for mine, squeezing it. "Willow that's impossible. I think I liked it better when you were dating that Oz."

I shook my head. "No, it's not impossible. Mom we've been going out since college. Can't you see we're happy?"

She took a deep breath. "Willow that's not the point. Your father and I have studied a child's mind for years. You do not know of the things your saying."

I stood up and so did Tara. "I think I do. No wait I do know. Mom.."

She quickly grabbed her coat and headed for the door. "Mom wait."

"I think I've heard enough. Wait until your father hears this. You haven't learned anything we've taught you Willow. You've forgotten your manners and I blame Bunny!" She opened the door and slammed it shut behind her.

"Well. That went well didn't it?" I sighed.

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Home [06 Dec 2003|01:21am]

[ mood | ecstatic ]

Home, it’s such a warm wonderful word. Hhhhhhome. Don’t get me wrong, I really did enjoy the time we spent in touch with nature – but it’s always nice to be…home.

I finished unpacking everything from the trip and sat down on the couch to fuss with Miss Kitty – but I was interrupted by a knock on the front door.

“Hang on sweetie, I’ll be right back.”

With a sigh I left the couch and opened the door, to be greeted by the sight of Mrs Potter and a Tupperware container. Trying my best to stifle the laughter at the regimental figure she was imposing I cast an eye over her.

“Hey there, the boy scouts have already been round…I bought four boxes of their lovely confectionary just this morning.”

“Very funny young Miss Maclay…”

I smiled. “Come in Gladys.”

She stepped in – thrusting the container into my hands like the contents were still hot – I tried to quiet the audible ‘oof’ and stepped aside.

“Can I get you something to drink at all?”

She smiled as she surveyed our apartment, I was pretty sure she had been thinking of ways to get herself invited in ever since the ‘lizard men’ incident.

She turned to me, satisfied with her first glance around hallway and the living room. “Do you have any Earl Grey?” she said as she made herself comfortable on the couch. Miss Kitty hopped into her lap and curled up. ‘Traitor’ I thought to myself.

“I’m sure we have some. I’ll go look.” I said as I headed into the kitchen. “Do you take sugar...or sweeteners?”

I heard a wheeze of laughter from the living room. “No thank you dear…I’m sweet enough.” Once again I tried valiantly to suppress my laughter.

Somewhere in the back of the cupboard I knew there was Earl Grey. I prefer Ginseng myself – when I’m not packing away the coffee on a long night of research. But one terrifying evening, Willow’s mother stopped by to inspect out new living quarters and happened to bring a box with her.

But even the constant psychological assessment that Sheila Rosenberg could throw in my direction didn’t seem so bad when my current audience was Gladys Potter. As I drifted away and shivered at the thought of both of them being in the living room together, my favourite Rosenberg came bounding through the backdoor.

“Hey baby – you miss me?” she put her keys down on the counter.

I grinned. “Always…How was Buffy?”
Willow shrugged and placed a gentle kiss on my cheek. “She was good – and not a word that we brought Dawnie home more than slightly tarnished.”

She made her way over to the fridge in one fluid movement and pulled out a bottle of mineral water. Both of us leaned on opposite counters – she proceeded to take the top off the bottle and start drinking. She stopped in mid sip and looked at me then turned around to look behind her. She spun round looking pale faced and nearly choked on the first mouthful of her water.

“Oh goddess – Is my mother here?! ..H-how long has she been here?...has she been studying you again?!”

I smiled as Mrs Potter appeared in the kitchen doorway. “Hello Willow, young Tara here was kind enough to offer me a drink.”

Willow grimaced with her back to our unexpected guest and I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from howling with laughter.

“Hello Mrs Potter.” Willow said turning towards her. “What a pleasant surprise.”

“And she brought us some homemade cookies, Sweetie.”

Willow nodded her head slightly. “Well thank you, how thoughtful of you.”

Mrs Potter shifted about a little and smiled proudly. “Well you two are my favourite neighbors…I like to think I can keep up with you youngsters.”

“Imagine that.” Replied Willow.

“Hey Will – you should take these cookies into the living room with you…” I turned to Mrs Potter. “She just loves cookies…my own little cookie monster.”

As they both made their way from the kitchen I felt a pinch in my side, Willow gave me a sickeningly sweet smile as she took one of the cookies out of the container and shoved it whole into her mouth, then she proceeded into the living room after Mrs Potter.

After a few short moments and the sounds of obnoxiously loud crunching – I made my way into the other room with a tray of tea.

“Do you girls have company often?”

I raised a brow to the question – not exactly sure where it could be going.

“Well you have such a lovely tea set dear.” Mrs Potter said as she carefully brought the cup to her mouth…I almost expected a slurp but I figured the only person who would actually do that and purely for the fun of it was Willow.

I sat in the chair opposite and Willow shifted a little. “We have a friend who comes to visit sometimes…He’s from England…ya know the second Motherland of Tea and serious competitors in the Tea and scone consuming stakes…” Willow looked at me for rescue.

“The tea set was actually a present from another friend; she said it would be perfect for us ‘old couples’ and our entertaining.” I explained with a thoughtful smile.

Willow shifted again on the couch. “Humph…like she’s way older than both of us put together anyhow.”

I gave Willow a gentle yet disapproving look – Willow pouted in return before casting an evil grin my way.

“Tara, you really should try these cookies, they’re….yummy.” She said whilst rubbing her tummy for effect.

Mrs Potter looked at me with a triumphant smile and Willow stuck her tongue out. I was seriously thinking over the ‘wheat allergy’ excuse that Buffy so often reserved for Dawnie’s burnt offerings, but I knew Gladys Potter was no fool. Make no mistake Rosenberg…that visit from your Mother is coming sooner than you think!

Miss Kitty once again made herself comfortable on Mrs Potter’s lap and Willow scowled in disapproval.

“Beautiful cat you have girls…shame she molts s much.”

‘Shame it isn’t in her tea.’ I could hear Willow’s thoughts as clear as day and I hoped to the high Goddesses she hadn’t said it out loud!

Willow coughed politely and turned her attention to me. “So honey…how was the trip to the doctors?”

I looked at her a little puzzled. “The doctors?”

“Aww sweetie…no need to be shy…The Gynaecologist is never pleasant honey, but us girls have to look after ourselves.” Willow turned to Mrs Potter. “You know how it is for us modern girls having to look after ourselves.”

Mrs Potter visibly stiffened. She carefully removed Kitty from her lap and stood. “Well you girls obviously have things to discuss and I’ve got plenty of housework that needs my full attention….”

In a shot she was by the door. “…I’ll leave you to it.”

I watched her close the door behind her and turned to Willow, turning my head to the side with disapproval. “You know…that was very mean.”

A smirk sat their all proud and pronounced on Willow’s face. “And those cookies tasted like the bottom of a bird’s cage.”

I placed my cup down on the table…contemplating if Willow had actually tasted the bottom of a bird cage and if so ……why?! Then I crossed my arms in disinterest.

“I’m in for some serious butt kicking aren’t I?”

“Oooh you wish.” I said – trying my best not to crack into a smile. “And Will?...The Gynaecologist?...couldn’t you have picked something just a little more personal to lead with?”

“Well the more I though …’please excuse me...I have to go sort through Tara’s underwear, cos it’s so tiny I keep forgetting which pocket I put it in’ the dirtier it sounded.” Willow said before she slouched back into the couch.

I couldn’t stop the grin forming. “Oooh now that deserves an ass kicking.”

“Yay!” said Willow.

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Settling down [09 Nov 2003|05:49pm]

[ mood | loved ]

Well, I think after our foray into camping, Tara and I will be staying home for some time to come. But you know, I feel pretty darn good about things. We survived, we got closer, it was all in all a good trip, despite the whole, being attacked by spirits of the forest deal.

Dawn I believe had a good time too.

So now that we're back at home, I guess it's back to the regular sort of thing. But you know sometimes I wonder what is regular around here? Not like anything is quite so normal in Sunnydale that's for sure.

Buffy of course wanted to hear about all the trip details and all so I met up with her the other day over our ritual mochas at the Espresso Pump finding our usual stools.

"Sooo Will, Dawn tells me it wasn't quite so boring with the trees and leaves after all?" she grinned at me and then sipped her coffee.

"Nope, I can just about guarantee that it wasn't all foresty nature that's for sure."

"But Dawn tells me you really came through for Tara and her in the end and I can't tell you me not being there, that's pretty big Willow."

I took a long foamy sip on my mocha. "Thanks Buffy, I mean, not that I was Super Will or anything, cause um, you're the hero and all and such."

Buffy tilted my head at me. "Come on you know you're always more than just sidekick gal and you did well and I'm guessing Tara was pretty happy too."

I lifted my eyes upward. "There might've been some post-camping trip happiness yes."

We talked a little more after that and then Buffy had to go and I headed on home. It's nice how our friendship really has gotten even closer than I could've dreamed.

I came back to the apartment thereafter and saw that Xander had called. Tara was outside and I went to the back porch and saw she was petting Miss Kitty and I just laid my head on her shoulder.

"Have a good time with Buffy, sweetie?" she asked me while taking another hand and caressing my cheek.

I nodded. "Yes, I did. It's good to be home though."

She kissed my cheek. "Indeed it is."

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Florence Nightingale [21 Oct 2003|10:30pm]

[ mood | cheerful ]

All I wanted was a quiet camping trip, getting back to nature with my favorite girls in the whole world and having great and wonderful adventures.

I’m calling a time out right now…evil forces, hit the showers…my team’s injured and the substitutes were left at home battling the Hellmouth. The referee wants to postpone the tryouts for the apocalypse.

I came round from my haze to find Willow on the floor.

Crawling closer to her side I gathered her slowly into my arms and began to clear away the hair across her face, desperate to see the extent of the bleeding. I saw movement from the corner of my eye.

“Dawnie? Are you hurt?” I shouted, my attention drawn to the moving form.

A few rustles later and a reply came. Dawn untangled herself from the vines around her and coughed a little.

“I’m okay; just never thought shrubs could be so unfriendly. How could so many tree huggers be wrong?” Dawn snorted as she pulled leaves out of her hair and threw them to the ground.

“No offense.” She said as she turned her gaze to me from dusting down her jacket with a half shrug. I rolled my eyes at her and gave a playful smile. Dawn’s eyes widened as she noticed Willow in my arms and ran over to me. Pensively she kneeled by my side. “Is she okay?”

A grin began to form in the corner of Willow’s mouth as she stirred, her eyes still closed. “She’s an evil energy butt kicker.”

I laughed forgetting the pain in my ribs as I concentrated on my girl. After cleaning all the matted hair from Willow’s face I could see that her nose was bleeding, no doubt visible signs of strain from the amount of energy she had channelled, but other than that and a few scratches she seemed fine.

“We should get you cleaned up.” I said as I guided an arm across my shoulder and helped her from the floor. She nodded, popping an eye open. She scrunched up her nose and touching it with her hand, wiped away the blood.

“Not gonna miss the nose bleeds.” She sniffed loudly.

Moving the blanket over with my foot I helped Willow down to sit on it.

“Dawnie, could you get me the antiseptic wipes from the bag in our tent please?”

She nodded. “You got it.” scurrying into the tent and brought the box with her.

“Did you bring the baby lotion and the rubber ducky as well?” Willow cackled.

I shot her a look of mock disapproval as I knelt down beside her. “I said we were going camping… I didn’t say you were going to get lucky Rosenberg.”

The laughing stopped and Willow unleashed the pouty lip. “You don’t play fair.”

I bit my lip a little, stifling a giggle before I continued. “Well you were making fun, I’ve hung around you guys enough of a night to have to treat continuous fatal scuffed knees and bruised egos not to mention the stake splinters in Xander’s…”

Willow covered her ears with her hands. “Eww, you said you wouldn’t mention it! I’ll have nightmares about tweezers again!”

I put my hands up in comical surrender. “Okay…But it never hurts to be prepared.”

The smile returned to Willow’s face before folding out to another smirk. “I always thought you should have been a nurse…but I see you lack the bedside manner.”

“Funny, you always make the hugest effort to let me know my bedside manner is impeccable.” I said with a wink.

“GAH.” Came a shout from the tent. “You guys about to get all kissy face again? Cos if you are I’m gonna take a walk…”

There was some scuffling around in the tent, before Dawn re-emerged, hair standing up on end, wipes under arm. “Maybe get lost,…hitchhike a lift from a big sweaty trucker and end up making knock off handbags in a Mexican sweat shop!”

“I see the big sister humor is rubbing off nicely.” Willow said. Dawn pulled a face and stuck out her tongue. “I can see you, threadin’ that little needle, with the big boss man shouting ‘esclavo’ and laughing hideously while Janice polishes his spankin’ new boots.” Dawn could do nothing but cross her arms in defiance before she dropped herself down on the blanket laughing with full teenage sarcasm.

Willow looked up at me, a childlike grin spreading across her face. “How you enjoying the camping trip so far baby?” she drawled.

“I stand by my initial thoughts that this was a good idea.”

She tipped her head, changing the grin to satisfied smirk as Dawn threw over the wipes.

“Okay, this part of the trip wasn’t so good but I know it can only get better.”

Dawn shifted uncomfortably. “So are we safe now or is the Blair Bitch Project due back anytime?”

I gazed over to Willow. “There’ll be no standing in the corner…I think it’s gone.”
She ran a hand across my back and I grimaced.

Dawn frowned. “You did take that whole half a tree to the back pretty well considering.”

Willow lifted up the back of my shirt. “I think it’s just bruising, better stay off your back for a little while.”

“Can’t guarantee it.” I said, innocence across my face. Willow blushed.

Dawn rolled her eyes. “I might be younger than you guys but I can still decipher your ‘code’…is that all you two ever think about?”

I smiled as sweetly as I could. “I just meant I wouldn’t be able to…”

“Save it.” Dawn stated. “You’re like little bunnies, if it was physically possible for you two to have babies you could have populated a small planet by now!”

Willow laughed while trying to hide her face, I shrugged – I mean what’s a girl to do?

We sat by the fire until the early hours, talking and laughing together. As the embers began to dull, Dawn excused herself and went to bed.

“I’m sorry I stormed off today…”

Looking Willow in the eyes I smiled. “I wasn’t exactly Miss Sunshine myself, you don’t need to apologise.”

“With everything going on…I just…I’m sorry for yelling at you…it’s the first time in a long time where I haven’t felt in control of my life, and you know me…if I can’t draw a diagram or come up with some kind of a chart…I get kinda nervous.”

I shifted a little closer to her and took her hand, absently running little circles over it with my thumb.

“Will, you don’t have to apologise for being human, I’m not upset with you.” I took a breath. “All I want you to know is, no matter how you feel or however mixed up you get… I will always be here for you.”

Her face lit up, like an angel. “You know, I think I really did it this time… I beat it, I thought it would be so easy to use something stronger like anger or rage to beat it today…but I saw you there and I didn’t, I controlled only the things I could. You taught me that.” She pulled me close and wrapped her arms around me tightly. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

“You know what I think?” I whispered.

She pulled herself away only slightly.

“We’re lucky to have each other.”

She rested her head on my shoulder.

“I think we should go to bed.” I said, a little huskier than I had originally planned. Willow lifted her head and grinned wildly. I stood and offered my hand but winced at the ache in my back.

“What about your back? …I mean...you said that…not that I’m implying that we…oh I did just imply didn’t I?...I don’t have to…not that I wouldn’t you understand…cos I would all the time…” I held a finger across her lips and watched as she followed my lead with the calming breaths.

Her brow knitted together. “What about your back?”

“I don’t remember saying I would be the one laying on my back.”

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Confronting my greatest fear [02 Oct 2003|04:54pm]

[ mood | drained ]

So I left. Vanished. Had to get away. Tara pretty much wasn't listening to me or so I thought. Ok, so maybe I'm not quite as good as Buffy with the storming off, but I can be when I want to be. I had to clear my head because I was really seriously afraid something might happen if I didn't.

As I made it to a clearing near the lake, I began to gather my thoughts. Began to piecemeal them together, one by one. I felt a breeze go through my hair. The wind shift. There was an energy flowing through me. I knew somehow I had to get past this. But how? It wasn't like studying for a test or reading a magic book to find a spell? This was me, being split right down the middle. I wasn't a superhero, like Buffy, I'm just me. And I can always hear Buffy saying, "Just be you Willow." Much like Tara does.

The difference though is that I had been attacked without any kind of agenda except to be hurt. I had to try to figure a way out of the dark back into the light, I suppose.

So anyway yes, the wind was going, the stars were out and before I could think further I heard the moans of Dawnie screaming. A thought quickly passed through me, "Tara!" I could feel something evil in my veins. It's part of me the magic and this campground was full of it.

I ran as fast as I could back to the campground. What I saw was some kind of swirling blue energy all around. It hurled Dawnie up against a tree, she was cut. Tara was bound. I curled my fist. My baby was hurt cause I wasn't here. Dammit I thought. Damn it.

The energy swirled around me and it was in my head! "GET OUT OF HERE WITTTTTCCCH! THIS IS NOT YOUR CONCERN!"

It hurled me back against another tree, the leaves splattering all over the place. I felt blood pouring out of my nose.

"Willow," I heard Tara sigh. "Willow!"

The energy picked me up again and hurled me. Far. Dawnie was screaming and then she grew silent. Again, I wasn't sure how this was happening but something had to be done. "LEAVE HERE NOW DARK MAGICK GIRL, LEAVE HERE!" It was calling to me. Something was feeding it. Was it me?

I was face first in the dirt. I managed to get to my feet. Somehow. The magic had manifested itself into some kind of human form, but it was kind of transparent. It's firey eyes glaring back at me. I could feel it all, feel its pain surging through me. I wanted to lash out. Wanted to make it stop.

"Get out of my head!" I hurled back and opened my palm trying to form some kind of energy ball. This didn't cause it to move and in fact caused it to get stronger.

It clutched Tara by the throat squeezing her energy out of her. Her goodness. My baby. My everything.
"Willow," she gasped. "You have to fight, fight."

I'm not the fighter. Buffy is, but it was starting to come clear to me that I couldn't just sit back anymore and let this pain overtake me.

I channeled everything I could into a single solitary moment. Tried to focus all of the dark energy out of me. "Drop her now, it's me you want," I called, standing with my legs spread, defensively. "I'm the one with the darkness. Take me."

The energy dropped Tara. "You are weak Witch. You are full of hate. Give into it and let go!"

Oh goddess, could this guy be any more Darth Vader? "Sorry no, I kind of missed that movie, you know Star Wars, but we can play now."

I opened my arms and felt the white light go through me. Pure, unadulterated light and hurled it at the energy form. It clutched, it grabbed but I finally let go. Let go of the pain. But not in a dark form. In a pure white light form.

Suddenly the energy dissipated and I fell backwards, slumping over. My nose fully bleeding.

Tara crawled over to me and picked me up. "Willow, baby, willow. You did it?"

I nodded and passed out.

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"If you go down to the woods today..." [20 Sep 2003|09:12pm]

[ mood | angry ]

In that split second I was torn.

I knew that Willow walking in the woods on her own was potentially the worst situation possible but I had never felt so angry with her – and we’ve been through many hard situations together. I decided it was best I leave her to wander for a few minutes and let myself cool down. Anger is such a consuming force, pushing us to do things to spite others even when we don’t want to hurt them. I wasn’t going to let anger create a void of hurt feelings and distrust between us, sometimes even the strongest relationships can’t recover from that.

Our argument had woken Dawn and I immediately felt guilty that she had been a witness to it. It’s not why we brought her along and I certainly didn’t want her to be unhappy too. She sat up wide eyed, hair all mussed up – blinking quizzically at me.

“Tara, is everything alright?” She yawned.

I promised myself that no matter what happened I would never lie to Dawn. So I chose to say nothing but give her an acknowledging glance with a small shake of the head and then stared back out towards the woods that Willow had vanished into.

“It’s okay Tara, I heard you guys yelling at each other…I recognise fighting when I hear it. Been in the middle of fights between the parentals.”

I clenched my jaw tightly and successfully pushed my tears back down inside, after all – we all knew how well the situation had turned out for her parents.

“We had a disagreement about a few things Dawnie, but we’ll work through it.” I sighed. I mean, no matter what – we’d always managed that.

Sit down and work through it, I told myself though I wasn’t sure it could work this time. Willow was so far out of my touch, no matter what I said to her she couldn’t believe that she was strong enough to control the powers inside her and simply, the more she thought that way…stronger the chance she would be right. I mean you resign yourself to something being the way it is and you give up the chance and opportunity to fight to change it.

Dawn stirred me from my thoughts. “Shouldn’t someone go after her? I mean it’s pretty dark and scary…could be any kind of nasty things hiding in the woods!”

I nodded. “I’ll just give her a few minutes to herself and then I’ll go find her.”

She must have seen the pained face I was desperately trying to hide from her, she spoke again. “You guys aren’t going to break up are you?...please tell me that’s not going to happen..?”

I felt in that moment I wasn’t sure that it wouldn’t. If I couldn’t reason with Willow I had no chance of reaching her and offering my support.


I turned to Dawn.

“I know you guys just think I’m a kid and I don’t understand much but I get it.”

“Get what?” I tilted my head to her, not understanding where she was coming from.

She shrugged. “I don’t know what it is but something else happened to Willow when she was taken away, didn’t it? What was it Tara?”

She’d grown up in front of us and we’d all been too blind to even notice. I smiled gently then realised what Dawn was asking.

I unzipped my sleeping bag and opened it out, patting on the newly exposed side and Dawn shifted out of her own sleeping bag and sat down next to me.

“She’s dealing with something that happened when she was taken away but it’s really not my place to tell you Dawnie, it’s something personal to Willow and she should be the one to let you know.”

She nodded at me, understanding that the situation was a little more serious than she had originally thought or that anyone had told her.

I looked back to the woods.

“Are you going to bring her back now?” Dawn whispered.

There was something there, but it certainly wasn’t Willow. I could feel a change, an force that didn’t belong out here in all this pure natural energy. I scanned the woods again my brows furrowing.

“Dawn listen very carefully, I want you to stay here. There’s something out there and it’s making me feel pretty uncomfortable.” I said as began to move.

I reached for the bag next to the sleeping bag, pulling out various powders.

“I’m going to need to find Willow but I want you to stay here.” I said as I began to pour the powders around Dawn in a protective circle.

“When I’ve finished this circle, stay inside – don’t break the circle, no matter what…You understand? No matter what…”

She nodded at me then her eyes glazed and her jaw dropped. I could tell by her expression looking past me that it was too late and I pulled her closer to me. I felt the force of something across my back; Dawn went flying from my grip and into a tree trunk – hard. I lifted my face from the dirt. She moved, but only slightly. I tried to stand up only just managing to find my feet before I got knocked down again by something whipping me hard across my back. I lifted my head, feeling the prickly static going through my body and the cold sweat as shock began to set in.

I saw Dawn get up and scream as branches with a mind of their own snaked their way to her, wrapping themselves around her ankles – pulling her over and then continuing to wrap themselves around her. They pulled her up, suspending her in the air, the new branches whipping at her face, little cuts dripping blood down her face.

“DAWN!” I cried as I tried to stand for the third time, checking behind me and avoiding the branches swinging wildly to knock me over again. I raised an arm to shield my eyes as I held my hand out to cast. I didn’t see the log whipped up by the growing wind and it hit me in the stomach, taking my breath away.

I felt myself being pulled up from the floor and the air being squeezed inch my inch from my lungs. Little black and white spots were dancing in front of my eyes. I wasn’t sure if it was a vision but I thought I could make out Willow’s form as the darkness set in.

‘I’m sorry’ was the last thing I remember saying to the figure as the darkness filled my eyes.

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Camping at its best or worst [14 Sep 2003|11:18am]

[ mood | depressed ]

Tara had this notion that it was for the best if we went camping. Ok foresty nature gal I can be. But I wasn't exactly feeling like hiding in tents. I was thinking more caves.

But maybe Tara was right. Maybe this was what we needed. I agreed and went upstairs to pack. As I did so, I couldn't help but be caught up in my own thoughts. I could still feel Spike and his nonfeeling hands all over me and it wasn't a good feeling at all. It was incredibly icky. And horrible and it was leaving my emotions all over the place. Hence the whole blackeyed tree smoking incident.

Sure Tara keeps me safe. She always has. That's not what bothers me. I'm worried that I'll never get back to where I was, and I'll just be stuck in this really horrible place forever. It's kind of my own hellmouth and it's just not closing and I don't know how to make it close.

So these were the thoughts I've been having as I began to pack. I felt if I could've just been more Super Willow then I could've stopped Spike. But I couldn't even do that. I had to wait for help.

Maybe I'm just acting silly. It wouldn't be the first time.

I decided I couldn't stay like this. Stay in this hole. At least I had to try. I came downstairs and Tara had talked to Buffy.

"I'm all ready to get all naturey," I smiled at Tara softly, plopping a few duffel bags on the living room floor.

Tara gave me a small smile. "I spoke to Buffy. Would you mind if Dawn came?"

I shook my head. "Dawnie? But won't she start to question a lot, and.." I stopped myself. It was Dawnie. "Of course she can come." I picked up Miss Kitty from the floor and I heard a soft meow echo from her mouth. "Xand can watch Miss Kitty while we're gone." She paws at me.

"Are you sure?" She asked me again.

I opened the front door of our apartment. "Of course baby."

Tara followed right behind me. She took my hand and helped me with the bags. We put them in the trunk of our car and then I slid into the driver's seat and buckled up. I had made this drive to Buffy's house so many times and yet today it felt kind of foreign. I felt weird. I felt not myself.

Tara put her hand on my knee while I was turning. She knew it wasn't better, but maybe it would be after all of this. That's who she is, always reassuring me, even when I don't really wish to hear it. We got to Buffy's a shortwhile after that. Buffy greeted me with her usual smile as she opened the door leaning against its frame. "Hey Will," she turned to look at Tara. "Hi Tara. Dawn's incredibly excited. She'll be coming down any second."

I noticed Buffy looking at me a bit longer. I wonder if she knew without me telling her. You know that whole Slayer sense thing. She gave me one of those mental looks of I hope you're ok. Dawn came down a short while later bounding down the stairs and standing in between the door and Buffy. "Ok I'm totally ready to go!" She gave Buffy a quick hug. "Bye Dawnie, be good. Have fun guys," She gave a gentle wave and Dawn went running over to the car.

"She's excitable isn't she," I leaned against Tara.

"Always," Tara grinned at me.

So we started the drive to the woods. We were heading to a place just outside of Sunnydale. Giles had told me about this place once before, it was where they had a few of the Watcher retreats.

I noticed Dawn leaning forward on the seat from the rear view mirror. "So not that I'm not completely excited about camping cause it means I can get out of Buffy's hair for a little bit, but what's the sudden rush to go camping?"

I felt a lump in my throat. Tara's hand never left my knee and she turned around to face Dawn. "We just thought it'd be nice to get out of Sunnydale for a little while."

That seemed to satisfy Dawn for the moment. I knew she'd be questioning something else soon. And sure enough as soon as I stopped at a light I heard, "Are you guys gonna make out at the stop lights? Cause don't think I don't notice when that's happened before."

I felt myself turn every shade of red. "Uhhh Dawnie, don't you have a book to read?"

"Nope, I'm book free."

Tara had a smirk plastered across her lips. "Dawn, I think what Willow's trying to say is that it's really not our place to talk about that."

I felt a sigh of relief run through me.

"But I'm totally cool with it," Dawn retorted.

"I know you are sweetie, but no show today," Tara laughed softly.

I felt myself clutch the steering wheel tighter. Oh boy this was going to be one interesting camping trip, I thought.

We finally hit a stretch of dirt road and I knew we were getting close so I pulled over to the side when we hit the patch of trees that I thought was it. Dawn hopped out of the car still grinning. "Wow guys this is so neat! I'm going to run up ahead and find the campground. See you guys there!" And with that she took off.

"Dawn, wait!" I called out but no luck. Dawn was already far ahead. "Hon," Tara came up from behind me. "She'll be alright. Are you ok?"

I grabbed the bags from the trunk. "I'm fine. Really. Just wish we packed lighter."

We made our way to the campground and Dawn had already started to take her own bag and started to attempt to pitch the tent. She was having a little difficulty with the poles and the ropes. I could tell she was frustrated. Tara went to help her and wasn't having much luck.

It was strange really. I felt a presence in the woods. Not like birds and insects and creepy crawlie things but just more of a relaxation. I don't know if I believe in enchanted forests but I guess there's something to be said about witches and nature. I could feel a lot of power going through me. Completely rootsy. I decided to make good use of it.

I focused on one pole and slowly lifted it off the ground. Dawn and Tara stopped what they were doing and Dawn just shot her eyes wide at me. "Whoa," and I heard her call out to Tara. "Is this a good idea?"

I began to put the pieces of the tent together. Tara blinked. "I think so hon."

The tent was done and I just kind of collapsed. Tara rushed over to me. "Willow!" She cradled me in her arms. "Sweetie are you ok?"

I nodded. "I'm ok. Kind of nifty huh?"

Tara moved the hair out of my face and kissed me softly. She's been so protective of me.

Dawn had asked me if I would show her some of the stars that evening. I felt a warmth flow through me remembering about the time Tara spent with me talking about the giant pineapple. We made a small campfire, roasted marshmallows and just when I was about to finally tell Dawn about Casseopeia she had drifted off to sleep. So it was just Tara and I in our sleeping bags.

"Going to show me the man with the crackers?" I grinned at her.

"Maybe," Tara leaned snuggled against me. "It depends though."

I arched a brow. "On what?"

"If this star gazing includes just staring at you?"

I blushed. "Tara," and I gave her a quick kiss. "That can be arranged. This place is so magical Tara. I can feel it baby. It's like everything has this kind of flow. An energy."

"So it's helping?" She asked.

"Think so. I just, sometimes I think I'm getting somewhere and then I'm right back to where I'm started and I feel like I'm just running in place. I'm frustrated and then I just want to forget and I can't and what if I just can never have myself back on the ground. I feel like I'm floating but not in a good way."

Tara interrupted me. "Uh, Willow?" She pointed down. We were a few feet off the ground. "I think this may have something to do with it."

"Oh." I don't know how we got in the air. I guess it must've been my thoughts. I lowered us down.

Tara stroked my hair. "Sweetie you need to just relax."

"I am, I'm trying." I sat up in the sleeping bag. "I can't do this Tara, it's too much."

Tara looked at me strangely. "Willow, you are doing fine. Just breathe."

"No you don't understand, I'm just going to mess up. I mean look I couldn't even control the fact we were floating in the air and what if I hurt Dawnie and you and.."

She tried to pull me in but I wouldn't hear it. I popped out of the sleeping bag. "I need to go on a walk."

"Willow! You can't keep doing this," Tara grabbed my arm. "You can't just keep walking away."

I turned around quickly. "Why not? It's the easiest thing for me to do."

I saw Dawn pop her eyes open. I woke her up but she put the sleeping bag over her head.

Tara wouldn't let me go. "It may be but you can't keep pushing the people you love the most away. I'm here for you Willow. I don't understand why you can't see that."

I shot my eyes wide at her. I felt my fingers curl around. "I do see it but you don't see how dangerous I am!"

I walked off after that and just bailed.

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Revelations [03 Sep 2003|03:50pm]

[ mood | numb ]

I had a feeling something was up when Miss Kitty came scampering out of the bedroom. As much as she tries to look all nonchalant, Kitty loves Willow over me…and I can accept that. They bonded instantaneously – All that time ago in my dorm, with the ball of string and auditions for Drama class and I knew it was love for both of them.

So when Kitty sauntered out as soon as she had stepped in, I knew something was bothering Willow, and usually she shared things with me. I didn’t want to approach my gut feeling straight off though. It had been a long and tough day for Willow and I just didn’t feel twenty questions was the way to go. I figured a hug and rest would aid the healing process. It was our unofficial remedy to all the world’s evils.

I sat down beside her on the bed, I could see her brain was working serious overtime and her brow was a little furrowed. We made very little conversation, it just felt weird. So many nights since we’ve been together we would use this quiet time to bare our souls to each other. But this time she kept it locked away, I could see in her eyes that she was on the edge of something, but what could it be? We found her, we saved her, admittedly with a few cuts and bruises on the way but for the most part of the evening she seemed slowly to be recovering from her ordeal.

I leaned across the bed to kiss her and she pulled away, my heart sank so far in my chest I didn’t think I could ever catch my breath. I could feel the cold sweat over me and my lungs constricting. She didn’t want me to be near her. Before I had even thought about it I asked her if something was wrong. There had to be something wrong, right? I had to believe that she still loved me and there was something else causing her to be this way.

She must have caught that look of sheer terror in my eyes…she sat there and apologised to me but I just couldn’t be there, I had to get myself together and the only way to do that was to be on my own. I told her that I needed to clean up the kitchen and she nodded and turned over to go to sleep.

I don’t know how long I sat there at the table, staring aimlessly out of the window into the night; I just couldn’t stop replaying the whole thing in my head – my own personal torture. Didn’t she want me anymore? Was it because I couldn’t protect her? Did she just fall out of love with me just like that? I began to shake my head, closing my eyes when I heard the scream from the bedroom.

I rushed in to see Willow crying and shaking, I ran to the edge of the bed and tried to put my arms around her, but she pushed me away. Damn it! I wasn’t going to let her keep pushing me away. I put my arms around her a second time let her resist me until she stopped thrashing and refused to let her go. We were both there, huddled together – both lost and afraid yet some how impossibly together. I promised I’d share the rest of my life with her and that meant seeing it through all the hard times ahead.

She kept mumbling that it hurt and that Spike had hurt her, I made my mind up then that I would find Spike and pay him a little visit, on my own…one day…when he’d forgotten and when I was a little more focused and powerful.
But although I was angry that Spike had dared to cause Willow pain of any sort I had no idea that even all the mad thoughts of what had happened that day to Willow, was no way near the extent to Spike’s involvement or cruelty.

I stroked Willow’s hair as she sobbed into my arms and told her it was only a dream, but even I knew that this was something far worse. I could hear her sobs slowing and her weight pressing into me and knew she was slowly drifting into sleep. I lowered down to the pillows and covered her with the blanket. I lay there beside her just keeping a watchful eye over her.

She didn’t sleep soundly at all, her brow furrowed and pensive. I ran my fingers gently through her hair, hoping that maybe even this light touch could bring her some comfort. I wished I could have done more for her, but I could only wait until she would let me in. I drifted off for an hour or two but woke again before Willow started shifting in her sleep some more.

She woke and called my name. I smiled gently.

“I’m sorry, did I wake you?” She said wearily.

I shook my head. “No, I’ve been awake for a while.”

Then like she’d just woken up and remembered she tried to get up and away from me. I did my best to reassure her, telling her she should do what she wanted if it would make her feel better. I tried to get her to talk to me but she didn’t want to. I cursed myself inside, because I knew that I should be patient. I offered her an alternative.

“How about if I give you a hug...is that a start to feeling a little more comfortable?” I waited before I approached, the last thing I wanted to do was to scare her back to pushing me away from her.

“A hug..that..that would be nice.” She said and let me put my arms around her. My heart sighed, at the warmth and the connection. Every time I touch her I always feel that same electricity.

We sat there and whispered conversation to each other in the dark. Talk of what the world could be like outside of Sunnydale.

“Sometimes I think it would be nice to just see what it would be like to be somewhere not so close to the Hellmouth. Do you think the grass would be greener?” I said.

Willow shrugged. “I don't know, I mean I could've gone away to school, and I thought about leaving Sunnydale but then I thought I wouldn't have met you and who knows. But maybe. Or maybe it's just more mossy.”

I smiled a little, a little Willowbabble and I knew things were beginning to come back on track.

“We should get away from Sunnydale for a while, just you know…for a bit?” I said, trying to gage any kind of reaction. But Willow changed the subject.
I could just make out through the darkness, Willow’s eyes raised to the ceiling. “Have you told Buffy about..you know..what happened?”

I shook my head. “I figure you should tell people if and when you want them to know Will. I’m here with the big ole support wagon.”

Her eyes turned back to me. “I know and you are so doing the support gal thing really well. I don't know what I'd do without you.”

Immediately I remembered the weekend I had gone out of town with the Art History Class. “You'd probably forget to eat.”

“Eating? What's..that?” She grinned sheepishly, obviously having the same memory as mine.

We giggled for a little while and I could see that Willow was beginning to relax a little more. It warmed my heart. Everything had hit her so hard and I had no idea how hard originally.

“So...I guess. We’ll get past this huh?” Willow asked, cautiously.

I looked her in the eyes. “Yes, a resounding yes.”

I noticed her shoulders tense up a little. “How, how are we going to get past this?”

“We're going to carry on like we do every day...one foot in front of the other, laugh in the face of danger as Xander would say and end up reading stacks of musty old books, together, probably until we’re at least half as old as some of them.”

“Can we skip the books?” Willow said with an automatic pout.

I nodded with a smirk. “Totally - I never end up reading them anyway.”

“I know, I just look at the pictures mostly.” Willow sighed as if giving away some terrible secret.

“I’m too busy looking at you looking at the pictures, pretending not to notice I’m looking at you.” I smiled.

Willow frowned a little. She felt uncomfortable with herself, I could see that. I pulled her close to me and rested her head just above my heart.

“You feel like home.” Willow sighed.

I knew something big was going to happen; her breathing changed and became more ragged. Then she lifted her head and began to shift way across bed like taking comfort in me was wrong. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to know what else was going on in her mind. I told her that I needed her to tell me, to let me in.

“I’m....sorry Tara..I’m trying...trying to do all I can..I'll do more..I promise, I will...I'll get over this silly thing and ..I promise to do better.” She said with tears filling her eyes.

I reached out for her hand before she had a chance to get up and leave and I wasn’t willing to let go any time soon. “No, this isn't a silly thing to get over - I understand that. I don't want you to do better. I just don't want you to walk away when you feel it's too much. Talk to me Will.”

“But...this is ..so hard for me to get out.” She looked down at my hand over hers.

“Say it exactly how it is up there.” I pointed to her head and her eyes followed before she gulped.

“I feel .. like something in me changed. Like something I didn't want to. Like it was taken away. Stolen. Like if I could've just..broken away I could've had a chance. Like I have to stop being so reliant on others.” Willow shifted and I watched the shadows change on her face as she frowned.

“If I could just, you know figure this out the way out, I could get there. I love you and I don't want to push you away. I fear like I'm going to. Like it's all going to be permanently jumbled forever and it’s never going to be clear. I don't know how to make it go poof. I don't... know how to make it better. I know magic can't, I don't know anymore, like what's real.” She stopped and I squeezed on her hand.

She clenched her jaw, trying to hold herself together before she continued. “I know you are, but I feel like I'm just, falling apart. I feel like Willow's gone somewhere dark. I need out.”

“Then let it out, all of it...you'll be safe because I'll be here.” I said, my hand gently holding her face.

“It..was..so..so..bad..It..was horrible, He... held me down and... I couldn't move..and..”

I chewed on my bottom lip, trying to not to cry. Suddenly it was all becoming far too clear, How could I have missed it? I wasn’t sure I wanted her to continue, I didn’t want to hear it – but I was being selfish. She needed this...and she needed me to be here for her and hear it. I spoke gently, with a little quiver in my voice. “And?”

“He like..tore at my clothes.. I mean..ok so vampires do that all the time. But..he wouldn't...stop and I pounded at him.... I ...tried to use my mind to like....I don't know move something heavy on his head but I couldn't..my thoughts were too scattered.” She stopped, to gather herself together as tears streamed down her face.

I didn’t ask permission, I pulled her close to me and wrapped my arms round her tightly.

“So.. I closed my eyes tight, as tight as they would go and... tried to think of something happy instead..you know like funny shaped pancakes..but..that didn't work and he..uhhh.” She sniffed and swallowed loudly.
“He started to touch me and…and covered my mouth so I couldn't scream and... then...I saw an empty wine bottle on the floor and I...managed to raise it with my mind…I hit him with it. He fell, which was kind of funny and he passed out but I was kind of half naked and cold.” She shrugged into me and almost let out a terrified laugh.

“Eventually he woke up and didn't remember too much what he did, just that he wanted to tie me up again and so he did.” She was shaking violently.

I leaned back against the headboard clutching Willow as close to me as I could and gathered the blanket with one hand. I placed it over her and ran my hand down her shoulder and arm.

“I promise I will never let anything like that happen to you again.”

We must have fallen asleep tangled together like that with ‘I love yous’ and tears. The next thing I remember was waking up alone, the sun just starting to filter in through the window. I panicked a little as I remembered the revelations from the night before. I got up and grabbed my robe – throwing it on and fastening it as I made my way out to the back door. I cursed as stood on a tiny piece of glass I managed to miss from cleaning up. I looked up to see the back door was wide open. For some reason I felt a calm fall over me, I knew Willow was near and it stilled my panic. I approached the back door quietly, looking out side across the porch and onto the grass.

Willow was standing in the middle of the grass, her back mostly to me staring at a large oak tree in the garden. I leaned against the door frame and watched her. The tree began to smoke and quickly caught fire. I cleared my throat.

“You know, the neighbors will complain…”

She turned to me in one smooth motion and I could see her eyes were the color of charcoal. They looked almost lifeless. I tried not to show my fright.

“Willow doesn’t care.” She said with a little growl.

I crossed my arms.

She tilted her head and gave me a cruel grin. “What?”

“So is this how it’s going to be?” I said.

Willow’s face dropped back to icy cold. “Leave me alone. I’m dead anyway.” She turned back to the tree.

“You're dead?” I said with a little anger in my voice. I was beginning to hurt. All the support I had tried to give seemed to have been wasted.

Willow shifted opening and clenching her fist repeatedly before answering. “Feels like it.”
I was angry now; I lifted myself away from the door frame and stepped out onto the porch. “So this is a 'wish I was' without actually saying it thing? Because it’s not funny Willow.”

With her back still to me she shrugged. “Who’s laughing?”

“It must be me then? Doing ALL the laughing?!” I said, hurting.

She stormed off across the grass and closer to the tree. “You don’t understand.”

I stepped out with bare feet onto the dewy grass and took a deep breath of the cool morning air, closing my eyes and trying to find my calm – like Mamma had shown me when I was younger.

“I can’t be here for you if you’re going to hold it all in again.” I said gently.

Willow had sat down on the grass and was concentrating on a twig in front of her. She tried to float it, but it was unsteady. She clenched her fists and tried to focus before letting out a yelp of frustration and pain. The twig flew violently across the garden and hit the fence before dropping to the floor. I slowly approached her slumped form and placed a hand on her shoulder. She turned her head and looked at me – her dark eyes changing back to emeralds.

“I can’t do this.” She sobbed. “I can’t control it all.”

“Yes you can.” I sat down next to her on the grass. I closed my eyes and focused on the twig Willow had been floating before. The twig raised itself from the floor. “We can do this together.” I extended my hand.

“What? Float the twig?...Cos, well you’re alr..” Willow began.

“I thought you might want to do something crazy with it…like make it dance like Fred Astaire?”

“I don't know..Maybe it'll become kind of sharp and pointy?!” Willow exclaimed.

I grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Willow sighed. “Okay, but I’m closing my eyes now so if it turns into some big ol spear and launches itself at us, not going to be able to see it.”

We sat there, holding hands on the grass. I felt Willow’s breathing become synchronized with mine. I knew she had become relaxed and opened my eyes. The twig was twirling like baton in a figure eight motion. I smiled and looked across to Willow. Her eyes were still closed and she had the tiniest knot across her brow as she concentrated. I tucked some stray red hair anyway from her face and behind her ear. She opened one eye cautiously squinting at me and I smiled. Then I tilted my head in the direction of the twig, raising my eyebrows. She turned and opened both eyes. Smiling, she concentrated a little harder – changing the twig’s spin direction.

The twig began to float across the grass to us. With one last effort, Willow lowered the twig to the floor. She collapsed back on the grass sweating and giggling.

“Well I know I turned out to be the tree hugging hippie my Daddy had nightmares about, but my ass is getting cold out here...what say we go back inside?” I asked.

She nodded and sat up. “Okay…if you think I won’t destroy the couch, with a mere look.”

I shook my head with a smile and stood up, pulling Willow up with me and we headed inside. We were both greeted by Miss Kitty at the door. Willow picked her up, made a fuss and we went inside. We sat and had breakfast, mostly in silence watching Kitty practice her hunting skills on a moth in the living room.

Willow suddenly broke the silence. “Maybe we should take that trip, you know? Away from here?”

“Then let’s go, pack some stuff up and we’ll go right now.” I was pleased that she hadn’t ignored my question last night. I felt that maybe, this was the best thing to do.
She nodded her head and got up from the table. When Willow went to pack the bags I picked up the phone and dialed Buffy’s number.

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This is the tough part isn't it? [25 Aug 2003|08:35pm]

[ mood | sad ]

So Dungeons and Dragons was probably a great way to release the stress part of what had gone on. I had things on my mind but hey when Xander is the Dungeon Master you do not question his motives. Except of course when he starts to cheat because I was a mage and so kicking with the hit points against his dragons in his lair.

"No fair, you can't use an destruction spell on my black ice dragon?" Xander shot at me in disbelief. "He's got ice to freeze you!"

I smirked. "Oh Xand, you forgot about my indestructible cloaking spell. Therefore, I can use the element of surprise, as shown by the 8 sided die and therefore I move ahead."

Tara giggled at me. "I think the mage has a point here, Xand."

He sighed at me. "Fine fine fine, but you must take some hits!"

"Oh great Dungeon Master, very well, I bow to the greatness of you," I giggled and rolled the dice again and it gave me 9 hit points of damage against me. "Curses," I laughed. "Foiled again. Guess I'm out."

Xander leaned forward on the table. "Yes guess your indestructible cloaking spell wasn't so indestructible after all."

Buffy shook her head. "Aren't we glad this isn't saving the world? I mean.."

I tilted my head. "Good point Buffy."

Dawn grinned. "Hey at least I didn't die!"

I stood up from the table. "And right that pretty much sums it up my existence huh?"

Tara looked at me. "Ok we should get on home."

I nodded, "Yup, homebound. Busy day and all." Buffy came over to me and touched me lightly on the shoulder. "You sure you're alright to go home, you can always crash here with Tara."

I gave a small smile to Buffy, "No it's ok, I got my girl to take care of me."

Tara lowered her head and we left Buffy's and headed on home. As we started to walk on home I started to feel a chill. And not a weather chill. A chill run down my spine. I guess Tara noticed something was off as we approached the apartment. "Is everything ok Willow, you seem a little quiet since we left Buffy's."

I nodded. "Uh huh. Just, want to get inside."

We got into the apartment and the chill turned into thoughts as we walked up the stairs. Miss Kitty Fantastico was meowing at my leg as we entered the bedroom and I kind of jumped back. Thoughts began to drift about what Spike did to me as I slid off one shoe. Thoughts about how he touched me. Touched me in all the wrong ways. As if there's a right way for him to touch anyone.

I kicked off both my shoes and Miss Kitty sensing of course I really didn't want to be bothered scampered out of the room. I slid back into the bed with a sigh. Tara joined me, "So Xander, big dungeon master cheater huh?" She gave me a lopsided grin.

"Hmm." I was distracted and I knew it. Thoughts of Spike touching me. Running through me. Over. And over. They wouldn't stop.

"Busy head again huh?" Tara looked me right in the eyes.

"Oh yeah. Very, busy." She leaned to give me a kiss and I pulled away. "Willow, what's wrong?"

"Sorry, it's not you, it's me, I just.." I couldn't finish. How could I tell Tara any of this? What would she think, I mean, she'd probably think I did something wrong or maybe I should've done something to stop it.

Tara frowned at me and sat up. "It's ok, I'm being selfish you had a long day. I have to go clean up something in the kitchen. I'll be back and then we can snuggle ok sweetie?"

I nodded and turned over and then the shakes started.


Then the tears came.


I tried to sleep and couldn't and woke up screaming. All I could feel was his hands all over me. Touching, grabbing. It was just horrible. I couldn't stop him.

"Will!" Tara came over to me and tried to cradle me. I pushed her away. "It hurts, it hurts."

She grabbed me and wouldn't let me go. "It's ok sweetie, it's just a dream. I'm here, I'm here."

I don't know the whole events after that. I think I sobbed and then I just drifted. And she was there to calm me.

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Winding down [18 Aug 2003|10:05pm]

[ mood | chipper ]

Arms, legs and heads.

All over the floor. Littering the crypt, we were up to our knees in them.

I mean you’ve heard of lizards like the Blue-tailed Skink that can shed their tails to distract predators whilst they make a speedy escape, right? Well, the lizard guys shed

Arms, legs and heads.

But not voluntarily…oh no…we hacked them off. Which really is incredibly gross and messy, and I loved my shirt, I’ve had it for years…Willow bought it for me – but I think I’m gonna have to burn it. But the worst part of it all? The bits continued to wriggle around all over the floor, for ages. Buffy wrinkled her nose at the sight of the wriggling appendages.

“Well that easily beats anything I’ve ever seen to the crown of YUCK.” Buffy snorted as she prodded at one of the waving arms with the tip of her shoe.

Willow tried her best to brush herself only to run her hand through more slime and spread it further over sweater. “EWW still a contender if you ask me.” I felt a smile tug at the corner of my mouth. My Willow, my beautiful best friend – for the most part unharmed and still showing her humor. Oh happy day.

I heard an ‘Argh’ next to me as I turned to see Buffy lift her foot, the long trails of slime hanging from underneath.

“That’s why I started wearing cheap sneakers for patrol with ya.” I giggled; she grimaced and rolled her eyes at me. “Not easing the pain of my wallet, smarty pants. There were Italian!”

Willow raised a brow and tipped her head. “Okay, American Italian.” Buffy offered.

Willow crossed her arms and Buffy pouted. “Look the guy in the back of the truck said they were very expensive and I was getting a bargain and he totally looked like one of the Sopranos!”

I put my arms around Willow, holding her tight. “Okay you know you’ve just covered yourself in ick now don’t you?” I heard her mumble into my neck. “Don’t care.” I replied.

Buffy joined in our hug. “You know you had us worried there Will.”

“Very worried and totally crazy.” I added.

Buffy squeezed a little tighter. “Uh huh, I’ll never go near your girlfriend when she’s holding that crossbow Will.” Buffy lifted her head and looked at me with a sweet smile. She stepped back. “Where were your Merry Men hiding, Ms Hood?”

“All looking for Merry Women, cos they weren’t going to get any from me.” I replied with a smirk.
I could feel Willow stifling a giggle. Buffy’s eyes widened playfully. “Tara! You’re so innocent and pure; please don’t destroy all I hold dear!”

Willow snorted, her face still buried into my neck. “You really have no idea.”

I playfully dramatized my hurt look and she pulled away grinning.

Buffy turned and headed for the door. “We should get back, Xander and Dawn are probably arguing over what to watch on TV again.”

“I think Xander was right though, Sesame Street. You’ve got to go with the classics right?” Willow stated. “Elmo…now there’s a role model.”

We walked back to Buffy’s just like the old days, slightly worse for wear after a night out.

“What do you mean, you’re not getting smooched by anyone?!” Willow looked incredulously at Buffy.

Buffy shrugged. “I guess, I’m not too worried about having a guy around, I have Xander around most of the time and I just pretend I can’t open lids on jars just so he feels useful.”

“Well go you, Miss Independence – go out solo and have a wild kick ass time” A wicked grin appeared on Willow’s face. “Then when you’ve finished patrol…you could go out and actually have some fun.” Buffy playfully swatted Willow and we carried on to the house.

We stepped through the door, Xander and Dawn at the door waiting for any sign of Willow. They pounced on her ask soon as they locked eyes on her. She was lost in the middle of their bear hug, after the initial shock, Willow smiled sheepishly.

“I knew you’d be okay.” Xander whispered, before he placed a kiss on her forehead. He then turned to me, still gripping on tightly before raising a brow.

I smiled before nodding. “She gave him hell. Just like you said.”

After much fussing and chatter, Xander decided whilst we were all together again, he would host one of his fun and game nights at Buffy’s.

Dawn huffed as she watched the dice roll across the table and stopped on a two. “Geez now I have to start all over, damn your spear trap Buffy!” Xander cackled at Dawn’s demise.

“Some how I wasn’t really imagining a whole night of Dungeons and Dragons as the fun and games you implied earlier. I’m pretty sure I had visions of putting on my best shoes and a hot steppin’ at the Bronze.” Willow pouted. “Remember that place we always go to…The Bronze?”

“Awww, c’mon Wills – you’re diggin’ it.” Xander laughed.
Dawn giggled. “Diggin’ it? What are you, early 90’s boy?”

Buffy picked up the dice. “Yeah nothing better than winding down from a night of monster bashing …with……imaginary monster bashing. Besides Willow barely understands the rules and she’s the brains around here!”

Willow nodded thumbing through the second volume of the game manual. “I will never moan about research again, ever. I’ll be totally studious, no distractions.” She turned to me with a smirk.

Xander also turned to me, I remember the day he caught Willow and I being ‘studious’ together in the training room, alone. The research material long discarded as well as a few clothes and I tell you, that boy put my blushing to shame. It certainly wasn’t the reaction I would have expected from him and I tried not to laugh when he fell over the horse because his hand was too closely held over his eyes. I smiled at the memory.

“Don’t you think it makes it scary though? Knowing that at least half of these beasties are real.” Xander said, trying to change the subject and looking decidedly pink.

Buffy shook her head as she watched Xander swiftly rearranged the playing board. “No, what I find scary is that you’re the Dungeon Master cos I know how much you cheat.”

“Am not!” He protested.

Dawn countered in her best childish voice. “Are too!”

“Ahem. Do you want me to separate you two?” I offered.

Xander turned to me, rubbing his hands together. “Okay Tare, roll that dice, I want to see what that ‘Walter the wizard’ you got there will do next. Being a wizard with staff like that must really attract the chicks.”

“Yay me.” I said with a smirk.

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A big rescue [06 Aug 2003|09:05pm]

[ mood | relieved ]

I was beginning to feel a bit worried. Lightheaded too. Spike was going on and on about something, something about lizards and men and what he was going to do.

I don't know what exactly happened, but the door was kicked in and when I glanced up from the ropes I had been tied to the back wall of Spike's crypt, I saw Buffy and Tara. "Buffy! Tara! I'm over here!"

"Willow, we're coming hold on!" Buffy called out and she started to charge Spike but then these lizard men jumped in the way and they started to toss her around and she kicked back. Oh goddess, Tara and Buffy were surrounded at me.

Spike smirked at me, "Looks like the Slayer and your witchy girlfriend are going to have their hands full. Right doesn't matter," as he glared at me.

Ok I so had enough of him. I kicked him. Where you know the sun wouldn't shine of course if he was human. He hurled back. I played around with the ropes a bit, tugging them as hard as I could but they wouldn't budge.

He flailed backwards for a moment. "Why you soddin' bint!"

He moved forward quickly and slapped me. Ok I was getting more than a little annoyed and my wrists were starting to kill me. I could make out that Buffy was dealing with the lizard men as best as she could with Tara. I had to keep Spike busy until they could get to me.

"Well that's right big boy, I'm a bint, but what are you going to do about it?" I spit in his face.

He grabbed me hard by the jaw and raked his fingers over my eyes. "Right then, that, I've had enough of your damn stupid babble for one day."

He tried to hit me again but again I hit with my shoes and such and I felt the ropes start to give way a little.

I heard the smacking of a lizard man go flying right against the wall near me and Spike tried to grab me to hit me but Buffy grabbed his arm and punched him. "Hello Spike, miss me?" She head butted him. "Hey Willow."

"Hi Buffy, thanks for coming." She swung Spike around. "Oh you know I was in the neighborhood."

"Slayer, I was waiting for you," he tried to punch her and Buffy blocked. "Wait no more." So they were in a tussle and I saw Tara chop a lizard guy with an axe and I telepathically called to her.

Tara, I'm over here!

Tara swung hard. My baby's gotten real feisty with an axe. She came over to me while Spike was busy with Buffy and cut me down. "My Willow."

Buffy smacked Spike some more, knocking him out cold for the time being. "Are you two alright?"

I nodded. "Uh huh, now would be a good time to leave."

Tara nodded as well. "I'm going with the leaving too."

We all started for the kicked in door and that's when I heard Spike laugh. "Ohhh Slayer, might want to stick around. Party's just getting started."

Buffy turned around quickly folding her arms. "Sorry, I think this is sort of a private affair."

And that's when I saw the last few remaining lizard men sort of walk together and then they merged, which was really creepy. "Uh Buffy, I think they weren't on the guest list."

She arched her neck towards the lizard demon. "You guys go, I'll take care of this."

"No Buffy, whatever they are, you need help too."

"I'm with Willow, Buffy those lizard guys, I mean they are tough. Even for you, maybe?" Tara looked at Buffy with concern.

She turned to us quickly as the giant lizard opened it's mouth and began to shoot kind of some sort of goo at us. Buffy darted. "Ok I'm saying no slime. You guys see if you can work some magic or something, and I'll try to distract it."

She went charging and somersaulted kicked at it. Tara looked at me with alarm. "Any ideas Willow, I'm totally willing to listen."

"Well it's obvious they are kind of joined together. If we can separate them again that would make it easier for Buffy to take care of them. I say we do a disjoining spell."

Buffy was having a wild time of an affair, and not in a good way. The goo was flying every where. Green icky disgusting and boy did it smell bad. "Ok I'm guessing this isn't a good cream rinse, so hurry guys!"
She continued her assault, jabbing and punching.

I joined hands with Tara. I tried to think of something in Latin. Goddess why do the rituals always have to be in Latin! I'm so bad at it! Damn it. "Te impore…" I felt the energy between Tara and I go through it and I stared at the demons. "Ah screw it. Demons separate and become less than one!"

I opened my palm and hit them with an energy burst and sure enough they separated and turned into tiny sized iguanas.

Buffy smirked at them leaning down. "Well I suppose I could take you guys to the pet store but I'm thinking," She took her knife and sliced them hard. "No."

I separated from Tara and I walked over to Buffy. "Guess Spike took off."

Buffy sighed. "As usual. He never sticks around for anything." She had goo all over her face and she cleaned it off using her free hand. "Looks like I'm coming out in firm favor of a nice clean shower."

Tara smiled. "Green's not your color, that's Willow's."

I laughed and we left the crypt.

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I've got a Crossbow, just show me where to point it [30 Jul 2003|10:51pm]

[ mood | determined ]

The demons were closing down on us from all sides. Fight or Flight time and seeing as we were nowhere near finding Willow, flight was not an option.

“Okay so this wasn’t exactly how I visualised my game of Uno with Dawn and my hot cocoa before a nice early night.” Buffy sighed then shrugged. “Oh well, just call me poseable Evil action fighting Buffy.”

I nodded, tightening my grip on the crossbow – breathing heavily. The situation didn’t look good in anyway. The odds were particularly well stacked up for the lizard men. But Buffy’s the slayer and …well I was pretty much just pissed.

The closest Lizard jumped straight for Buffy, claws and teeth bared. Buffy sidestepped it and watched it sprawl across the grass, kicking it in the ass for good measure. The next two rushed me, one furiously swinging at my head. I ducked and shot a bolt into the throat of the second, then used the crossbow to hit the first one around the head, repeatedly. I got a smile and a raised triumphant fist from Buffy at my handiwork.

The second wave of Lizards stepped forward, there must have been ten or twelve in this pack and they certainly looked a lot fiercer than first group. I nodded – my attention on the group just behind the slayer. “Okay we’re forgetting about the Lizard men; let’s focus on the Lizard men.”

One jumped onto Buffy’s back and she flipped it over before stomping her boot into its throat. Its last movements were a combination of twitches and minute gurgles before it slumped. I took out the second with another bolt. But they just kept coming. One grabbed my arm and squeezed tightly on my bandages and I yelped in pain. I turned into the lizards hold and pressed a palm flat into its torso. I closed my eyes and tried to block out the pain from my forearm and focus on the palm. The lizard screeched and let go of me, the place where my hand had been was scorched and blackened.

“Neat, …I’ve heard Will call you hot lips under her breath before but I had no idea it extended further.” Buffy shouted over the hissing with a smirk and a waggle of the eye brows. I blushed just a little then grinned back.

Buffy swung a roundhouse kick to the next, connecting with the creature’s chin with a crunch, throwing it backwards into the path of two more. I prepared to fire another bolt into the chest of the next oncoming but was unaware of the one by the side me – knocking me off of my feet, the bolt hit the Lizard in front in the ankle and it hissed before pulling the bolt out and limping away to the bushes. I rolled as the next pounced. Buffy leapt through the air and knocked it flying from me and into a headstone, smashing it in two.

“You okay?” Buffy asked a concerned look on her face. She offered me a hand. I nodded, brushing off the grass and leaves and trying desperately to catch my breath. “We should head out and find Willow.” She edged.

“We can follow that.” I nodded to the bushes where the Lizard I had caught in the ankle was nursing its wounds. Buffy smiled and silently motioned to me to approach from one side whilst she took the other. When we were close enough she rushed into the bushes, chasing out the Lizard.

We let it get ahead of us, but we weren’t concerned as it was leaving a trail of blood for us to follow. On our journey we would see it every so often hunched over, trying to gnaw at its own damaged appendage completely unaware we were tracking it. Finally we ended up in the cemetery across town. It stopped, curiously sniffing the air around it before disappearing under a crypt. We waited for it to slide down the oversized and partially concealed rabbit hole before we approached. Buffy peered into the hole.

“Can’t see a damn thing…Oh well.” She dived into the entrance. I held my breath for the longest of moments before Buffy reappeared, popping her head up and startling me.

I lowered my head a little to have a look for myself. “What’s down there?”

“Apart from a really rank stench and piles of animal bones?”

I nodded in anticipating her answer.

“A really long tunnel that I’m thinking is going to take us just where we wanna be.”

I raised a brow quizzically. “Just call me Ms Big-with- the-intuition.” She shrugged.

Pulling the crossbow’s strap over my head I jumped down into the entrance and crouched, the tunnel was barely tall enough for us to stoop in and suddenly I felt more than a little claustrophobic as little lines of dirt fell from above my head. Buffy rustled around in her pocket and pulled out a tiny pen light, she held it in her mouth, biting down and securing it with her teeth. She started to crawl forward, pushing the broadsword just in front of her. I followed.

We clawed through the tunnel for about an hour before it seemed to widen. There was noise, but I couldn’t see anything in front of us. We both climbed out of the tunnel and looked around to find ourselves in a dark cavernous space. I turned and caught a glimpse of light just to the right of us. I motioned to Buffy who brushed herself off a little before taking the light from her mouth and shining it to the direction I was pointing. There was a metal step ladder leading up about eight or nine foot to another chamber. I started cautiously up the steps. There were candles burning in this area and the noises were much louder.

The hissed became clearer. There was an arch leading into another area so I moved quickly to the wall to remain concealed from the next room, mostly hidden by the darkened corner of the new cavern. Buffy reached the top of the ladder and paused, dropping her head slightly from the hole and began to watch the sight before us.

The lizard was crouched at the other end of the room, shaking its head in some sort of communication with someone, but I couldn’t see who. A cigarette butt was thrown to the floor.

“On their way?....perfect…see Red, your friends as predictable as ever. Should have nicked myself a bottle of something nice and strong cos it looks like I’ll be celebrating tonight.”

And then I saw here, curled on the floor, her jaw set in a determined and firm line. My Willow, I could see the tracks of tears on her dirty face, her hands tied together with rope. All I wanted to do was to go to her and hold her. I looked to Buffy, she shook her head and leapt from the steps and hid next to me.

“Oh for Bloody hell’s sake, will you stop chewing on that! It’s disgusting, you’ve done your bit now sod off!” Spike growled at the lizard tearing chunks out of it’s own leg around it’s wound. I felt my stomach turn just at the sounds.

Willow waited for Spike’s attention to be focused on the Lizard and pushed herself up from the floor, Spike turned and she kicked him as hard as she could swing in the shin. He howled in pain. Buffy turned to me and smiled before mouthing ‘just like Xander said.’

Then we burst through to the next room.

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Gulp, someone should come..soon I hope. [21 Jul 2003|08:43pm]

[ mood | scared ]

Ok I don't know how I'm going to get out here, considering hello not exactly all up to speed. I heard the crypt door open and thought maybe today was my lucky day.

Then I saw the familiar blond head that didn't look like Buffy or Tara's and I knew it was not.

It was Spike. He leaned over me and tightened the ropes on my wrists. Ouchie. "Well Red, guess who I happened to run into?"

"Your mother?" I rolled my eyes.

He flipped out his zippo lighter lighting his cigarette and blew smoke in my face. "No, the Slayer and your blondie witchy girlfriend. Have to say she was quite feisty."

I narrowed my eyes ignoring the smoke. "What did you do to them?"

He snickered and smirked in my face. "Not what I did, but what my lizard friends are going to do. I think you met them before you know." He leaned in very close. "Though now that we're alone, I think we can finally get to know each other better, doncha think?"

I gulped, twisting my head away. "No, I think I know you well enough."

He slapped me. "You'll show some respect to your happy host!"

I flinched a little. It really stung but I couldn't start crying. He'd really go for it then. I mean he might still go for it, but I was trying to be a brave little toaster as Xand often called me. "Respect? I don't think you deserve anything of that Spike. And you know they are coming for me."

Oops. Wrong move. He grabbed me from the ropes and threw me down to the ground hard. "We'll just see about that."

I tried to crawl away but he dragged me by the leg. "Ohh, no can't be running away now love, we've got work to do."

He picked me up by the throat. I could feel myself losing oxygen. "You and me, we're going to have a little fun. You're going to do a spell see. The lizard men well they'll take care of your friends and that annoying bint the Slayer, and then well they'll come back. I'll bleed 'em and you'll well you'll do your whatever, mojo and use their blood to infuse their being into me and I'll be impervious to the light."

"And if I refuse?"

He threw me down hard. "Let's just say you'll be bled to death. Still I think I like the latter myself. Always wanted to taste you Red." He then grabbed me and threw me against the wall again. Ok I'm pretty sure this is going to leave a mark.

He moved forward very quickly I might add and then threw me on top of his crypt bed. He got right on top of me and started to tear at my clothes. Hard. Oh goddess, no no I thought. Anything but this. I squirmed as much as I could. "No, please! I'll do whatever you want, no"

He pinned my shoulders down, my shirt collar ripping. "Oh beg all you want, I love it when you scream."

I tried to move my legs. I was able to a little bit and I managed to knee him solidly in the crotch. He grimaced and fell backwards off of me. I tried to make it to the door but he got up. "Oh. No. You don't you stupid bint!" He charged and threw me down.

I don't know what was going to happen next but I just kept thinking it'll be over soon.

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She's gone [17 Jul 2003|12:57am]

[ mood | angry ]

I lay there dazed, something had just happened – I knew that much. The back of my head hurt really badly. I couldn’t remember, I reached up to feel the back of my head and...Ouchie! My arm started nagging for attention too. I looked down and blood was dripping down my forearm and onto the cold kitchen floor. ‘Wait, I’m sitting on the kitchen floor? When did I decide to do that? Well getting up now any how’ I placed my other arm out and put all my weight on my palm. There was glass everywhere, but by the time I had noticed I had already ground a few nicely sized pieces into my palm. I winced.

OH GODDESS! Then it hit me – all of it, I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until every vain in my head started pounding. I remembered the muffled scream, the hissing, running to the back door – the bottles for collection tipping over and smashing and the door being kicked, knocking it with a bang full swing on the hinges before it collided with the wall, shattering the glass from the window all over me and the kitchen. I started calling out. “WILLOW?” But there as no answer. I held onto the side of the counter and pulled myself unto my feet and grabbed the phone of its cradle on the wall.

I dialled the number and held the phone to my ear with my shoulder while I tried to remove as much glass from my arm as I could, before grabbing a towel from the pile of clean washing in the basket and pressing it firmly to my arm. Buffy answered the phone.

“It’s T-tara, ….Willow’s gone….I mean she was taken….monsters came…I don’t know where she is…”

Buffy’s voice was calm and soothing. “Tara, I need you to slow down. You say Willow’s been taken?”

“Yes.” I whispered as I felt the first tear slide down my cheek.

“Are you at home?”


“Don’t move I’m on my way over!” The phone went dead.

I wasn’t sure what to do with myself as I waited; I taped some gauze to my arm and attempted to clean the mess in the kitchen. I felt Miss Kitty nudge against my leg. I was sure she was trying to comfort me. I sat down on a chair and she jumped into my lap. Then I cried, I felt so lost – I needed to be out there looking for Willow. How long had I just been sitting there? Could they have got far? Would they hurt her?

My trail of thought was broken by the knock on the open door; I turned to see Buffy gazing wide eyed at the kitchen and me, crying my eyes out. She knelt next to me and put her arms around my shoulders. “I’m sorry Tara, I tried to get here as quick as I could.” I sobbed a little more. Then I flinched as she brushed her hand over my arm.

“Oh God! You need to get that looked at, it’s seeping through.”

I shook my head. “I need to find Willow first; it’s just a few scratches.”

Buffy raised my chin with her and brushed away some of my tears. “First things first.” She looked down at Kitty on my lap. “We need to get you two out of here in case they come back.”

I carried Miss Kitty in my arms and we got in the car. I remembered smiling through cloudy eyes. Even though Buffy had finally passed her driving test, I was probably the worlds second worst passenger – For all intensive purposes that crown belonged to Xander; after all…it is his car!

We arrived at the Summers house and I was greeted by Dawn and Xander, both pulling me into a bear hug, Kitty jumped down from my arms and yawned, totally unimpressed with the attention. Then she curled up in a cubby hole behind TV like she used to when she was little.

“Oh My God, what happened to you?” Dawn held my arm up

Buffy nodded to the couch and I sat. “Looks like its story time.”

I sighed and slouched back – Dawn came in with some bandages and began to clean my arm up. “Yesterday I spotted something in the garden. I c-couldn’t make it out. It looked pretty much like a big green lizard. I got a little closer to it and it bolted over the fence.”

Dawn had finished wrapping my arm up and Xander sat next to me on the couch. “So you got oogly booglies living down in the old back yard eh? Well it beats the dead snake I found at the end of ours when I was four.” He drifted back into his childhood. “I poked it with a stick and Dad slapped me round the back of the legs for being a torment.” His face shifted back to reality and he subconsciously began to rub the back of his thigh as if the pain was only from minutes before. “But I severely digress here…please continue.”

“Willow had gone to the Magic Box and had felt something watching her. We finally decided at about lunch time we were being paranoid and went to the park for lunch. We didn’t notice anything unusual. It started to rain so we made our way back to the apartment.”

Dawn frowned. “But…it didn’t rain today; I was out shopping with Janice, not a drop.”

Xander looked at me. “I was on the construction site, don’t remember rain.”

I nodded. “We realised the storm was only surrounding the area we were in.”

“Wait!! Storm now?” Buffy’s eyes were wide open. “As in extreme weather condition that is very difficult NOT to notice?”

I nodded again. “We were under a tree and saw the lightning so we decided to make a run back. We headed backing the direction of town but found ourselves back in the Park.”

Xander scratched his head. “You and Willow got lost on your way back from the park, one of your favorite places in the whole world? And yet, might I add still to this day Willow still refuses to tell me why?”

I sighed. “No, we just ended up where we started, like someone had shifted the ground from under us and set us back. And so she shouldn’t…there are some things that should remain personal.” I grinned and Xander got that look of boyish intelligence and understanding. “When we finally got to town we took some alleys to cut back into town, then we met the Lizard men.”

“What did they look like?” Buffy enquired.

I shrugged. “Overgrown Lizard man things. I’ve never seen anything like them before.”

“Okay, so Lizard dudes in the backyard, personal thunderstorms and an ambush in a dank and dirty alleyway and you didn’t call me until now?”

I lowered my head feeling rather stupid. After all, if we had called earlier maybe Willow would still be here? “I thought we were just overreacting at first, but after the lizards in the alley...” I paused, trying to stop the tears. “Willow was going to call you this evening.”

Dawn sat cross legged on the floor in front of me. “How did you manage to get away from the lizards in the alley?”

“We ran into the Magic Box, we told Anya what had happened – but she was busy with customers and just shrugged. She told us that we were pretty girls, Together - pretty girls and sometimes demons like to chase pretty girls…We just thought she was trying to be awkward so we left before Willow had a clear shot to swing at her.”

Buffy went into the hall and grabbed her jacket. “Okay, I’m going to take a look around for Willow and these lizard dudes. Dawn, you’re in charge, get Tara some painkillers and Xander guarding the house – There’s plenty of weapons in the chest.”
She opened the front door.

I stood immediately. “W-wait…I should go come with you…She’s out there…I c-can’t just sit here and wait, I should be out there helping you.”

Buffy put a hand on her hip. “Not in that state, you could get yourself killed.” She walker back over to me, placing her hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eyes. “I’ll be back soon, I promise.” I nodded and she left.

Xander tried to cheer me up. “You know Willow, she’ll be kicking shins and calling them rude names right now – they’ll be letting her go in no time, she’s a real bruiser.”

I wanted to smile; I could imagine Willow dishing out the abuse. But I wanted to get out of the house and start searching. Dawn made some tea to calm my nerves and started going through the books she had in the house. Not being allowed to go on patrol had turned Dawn into quite the intrepid researcher.

“Did it look like this?” She held up one book and I frowned.

I shook my head.

Xander got up and dialled a number into the phone. Then he started talking in a low voice. Dawn and I looked at each other. We just about caught his whispering.

“I just thought maybe you might be able to help….No this isn’t a trade off…I’m not offering anything in return.” He hung his head and we both looked at him with questioning eyes. “NO…hot sweaty sex isn’t an option! I would have thought them being your friends would be incentive enough?!” We both looked at each other and grinned. We both mouthed ‘Anya’ “Okay, I’ll put you on speakerphone.”

Dawn was first to speak. “Hey Anya.”

“Hey yourself jailbird…how are those sticky fingers of yours?”

“Ahn, play nice now.” Xander warned

“Okay, look…I haven’t heard much, the other demons don’t really like talking to me anymore – See what hanging round with a bunch of demon hunters does for your reputation?! I’m totally a social demonic recluse now…and without the medical benefit package too!”

“Anya!” Xander shouted.

“Okay! Just saying…Geez Louise, I would have thought honesty was something highly celebrated by humanity due to its gradual disappearance in human society.”

With one last ditch effort Xander coughed to get her attention.

“Right, big nasty evil looking to take over Sunnydale, then America then well…you get it …blah blah. The Lizard men sound like the Lithcos – they’re a band of savages – not great thinkers. I’d imagine they’re working with the evil. It’s a good job too, otherwise they wouldn’t have thought twice about ripping your throats out if they were acting on their own. They like to make a mess, eating entrails…using bones as tooth picks…They were great when I used to entertain my guests, they had this wonderful party piece with human hearts…”

“Okay Anya, thanks for the info.” Xander jumped in, he saw my face fall.

With that Buffy came storming back through the door. My eyes watched closely behind her and waited for Willow, but she wasn’t there.

She headed for the weapons chest and pulled out a massive broadsword, twirled it round and jabbed into the air. Giving a satisfied nod she turned to us.

“Guess who I just bumped into?” Everyone was silent.

She sighed. “Pale, doesn’t usually take long breaths, English, pain in my ass – Billy Idol wannabe?”

Xander spoke first. “Captain Peroxide.”

Buffy nodded. “He was real chatty whilst trying to kick my ass, boasting that he had something I might want…Willow.”

I went to the weapons chest and took out a crossbow. Then headed for the door. Buffy blocked my exit. “Whoah there witchy foo – where you going?”

“To kill Spike.”

“OOOOooh no you don’t, you already got hurt once tonight, Willow’ll kill me if I let you get hurt some more.”

I looked at her. “Okay I’m borrowing her resolve face on this one, and maybe I don’t wear it half as convincingly but I’m coming…I still have a few ‘tricks’ up my sleeve.”

Everyone had forgotten that Anya was still on the speakerphone. “As long as there aren’t any bunnies up there because that’s just too cruel for even Spike...evil..evil..evil.”

I stood poised at the door with cross bow in hand, glaring.

“Right then, I never argue with resolve face – but stick close okay?”

I nodded.

After an hour hunting around the all the cemeteries we could think to check we were still having no luck finding anyone or anything. We were just about to leave for home. ‘CLICK’ The familiar noise of a zippo lighter to the left of us.

“You can come out of the bushes now Slayer.”

Spike was sitting on a headstone, taking a long drag of his cigarette and looking pretty smug with himself. Buffy stepped out first, but motioned for me to stay hidden.

“Thought you might try to follow me to get your precious Red back, but no such luck pet – she’s tucked away somewhere disgustingly dark and dank.”

Buffy edged the sword forward in a threatening motion. From my hiding place I began to aim at him with the crossbow, right for the leg – not to kill him, just hurt him like hell.

“You can come join us too witch, know you’re there…and if you fire that at me you’ll never find her.”

I walked out of the bushes still with the crossbow aimed. He threw his cigarette to the floor and laughed.

“Here comes Blondie Bear to the rescue!” He snorted. “Did I tell you that your bit of skirt is just adorable when she’s terrified? All wimpery and teary eyed.”

Buffy growled. “I’m really going to enjoy watching you scatter all over the graveyard.”

Spike shifted and got up off the headstone. “Yeah right, look at you all Miss Mighty Mouse; puff that chest out a bit more cos I’m enjoying the view.”

We both rolled our eyes.

“You’re n-not only evil, but you’re a p-pervert.”

He turned to me and grinned. “And proud of it – comes with bein’ bad.”

He sniffed the air. “Did you know Red wears the smell of you all over her…it’s like perfume…very….mmm…uplifting, if you know what I mean?...It was a real struggle for me to keep my hands off her…My juices would really be flowing if I was alive.” He grabbed himself suggestively and smirked.

I fired a shot into his shoulder and reloaded. “I’m going to make you suffer.”

Buffy grabbed my arm. “Wait – you kill him, we won’t find her alive, even if he is a sick, twisted…nothing.”

Spike grabbed his shoulder and winced as he pulled the bolt out. “Whoah there! You call me sick, you should talk to your broody pop idol looking ex undead boyfriend, love – He was the definitive guide of ‘sick’ way back in the day. The things he used to do to get his jollys on with terrified but far more beautiful young maids, and then he’d make then scream his name…I remember it now…dirty scoundrel.”

He shot a look behind us. “Well, I’d love to stay and chat some more but I’ve got dinner plans. Ta ta.” He leapt over the headstone and ran off into the darkness. The first of the lizard men behind us began to hiss.

I turned, my back to Buffy’s. We were totally surrounded.

Then they began to charge…

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My head really hurts [13 Jul 2003|10:55am]

[ mood | scared ]

My head is completely achey. I'm not sure how I got where I am but it looks like Spike's crypt to me. Anyway I'm trying to sit here and recall what happened but it's all a little blurry and such. I don't know how I'm even typing this out, but I guess Spike finally got with the 21st century or whatever. I'm not sure again. Ouchie with the head.

What can I remember, ok, well earlier in the day, Tara and I had breakfast and well, you know those cereal boxes that have the really cool treats at the bottom of them? Kind of like cracker jacks? Well my corn flakes were so calling to me and there was supposedly this limited edition figurine at the bottom of Lara Croft or something so I went finagling looking for it and then the box broke wide open just as Tara was walking into our kitchen and all the corn flakes and milk went everywhere! Miss Kitty was thrilled of course she'd have extra milk and such but Tara just gave me a look like if you wanted the toy so badly Willow we could've scooped it out much easier.

And then there were the jokes about Xander's deluxe tool belt. I mean I don't really stare but I mean Xander's got some nice handy tools now. Helps him in those hard to reach areas of construction type stuff. Ok that's all you're getting out of me about that. Tara made most of the dirty jokes. Don't let that kind of soft exterior fool you, Tara can say naughty things when the time comes of course. But again you didn't hear that from me.

So I was a little sulky. Not to mention the whole I think Lizard men are stalking us and after what happened in the park I was getting a little concerned. Disoriented time, things going wacky. I was really thinking we should probably call Buffy pretty soon and deal with things. I mean rain storms just don't happen that quickly well in one spot anyway and to me physics gets involved. I was pretty sure something mystical was at work here. It was just a matter of figuring things out. Tara and I were convinced we had to do something but we weren't sure what because we weren't sure why our attackers were after us in the first place. I really was worried, because if anything happened to Tara, I don't know what I'd do.

Tara kept reassuring me we'd figure this out and then researching led to um, other things on the couch and soft long trailing kisses across the neck and something about car engines. Again I don't really remember all of those details. Wait, I do but I'm feeling a little too bruised right now to get into it. Tara was doing her best to make me forget about all of the icky things previously and dare I say she was doing a great job, and I would've returned the favor but Miss Kitty once again interrupted us. I tried to shoo her away and so did Tara, because well, it was Willow-Tara time and such but Miss Kitty would have none of it. We've been keeping her indoors because of the lizard men and such but she was begging to go out. I let her out and then I heard her hiss very loudly.

I told Tara I'd be right back and when I went outside I found Miss Kitty in full defensive mode, her back fully arched, her ears standing on end and I knew something was wrong. "Miss Kitty, what is it?" I went to pick her up and I was jumped from behind. I managed to toss Miss Kitty back inside but then these guys, who I noticed while kicking and flailing had the long tails. Lizard men! I squirmed and tried to fight and all but then I remembered, hello, not a Slayer and these guys dragged me to behind the bushes. I tried to scratch and flail and I couldn't. I screamed Tara as loud as I could and saw one of the glass bottles we had left on the porch for recycling, go flying before I got knocked out.

Next thing I know I'm laying here all strapped to Spike's crypt, tied with ropes. I swallowed. What on earth was I doing here? I didn't know what happened and I thought Spike had left town but I guess not. "Hello cutey," He snickered over me. I glanced around and saw the lizard men. "Welcome home."

I swallowed again. Hard. "Spike, w-w-what do you want?" I tried to tug with the ropes but I felt nothing but pain.

"What do I want? See that's not the question you should be asking witch. The real question is why are you here?"

I nodded. "That um, thought sorta did cross my mind. Do you need me to do another spell, bring you back Drusilla I mean, I can do that, you know and this time it'd work."

He leaned forward and grabbed me by the jaw. "No. I need you to just shut up and listen well bint. My lizard men are going to finally do something I couldn't do which is kill the Slayer and your scoobie friends." He let my jaw go.

"Oh that's real big of you Spike," I hissed back. "I mean and here I thought you'd turn over a new leaf."

And then I remembered maybe I shouldn't talk.

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What to do? [09 Jul 2003|11:17pm]

[ mood | Tolerant ]

The weather had been far too nice to stay in the apartment (not that it isn’t always – being California of course). Willow was watching cartoons, which she sometimes does when she’s either upset or sulking. It had become obvious she was doing the latter – she knew it was the beginning of a beautiful day but we had both agreed that until we had found out a little more about our ‘stalkers’ we would be a little more cautious about going out and about. Not to mention the cereal incident….no...I said I wasn’t going to mention it. Okay?

“What’s this?” I asked as I passed a glass of juice and sat down next to her on the couch.

“Tom and Jerry.” She was sitting there, her legs gathered up under her in the seat – in her pink fuzzy Pjs with her fluffy tiger slippers. Holding her pillow closely to her chest and with an adorable case of ‘bed hair’. She took a sip of her juice and looked at me. “I just like how Tom’s all sneaky but incredibly stupid and Jerry totally out thinks him every time.”

I smiled. “You want something to eat?”

She shrugged. “No, I’m okay” She bit her lip, offering me a guilty look. “Why are you being so nice to me….I was being a big old spaz this morning, all with the throwing around of the cereal…”

I shrugged back...trying to hide the smirk of amusement as I remembered the scene. “I’m being tolerant I guess…besides I can use it as some serious leverage the next time I see something to buy for the apartment you don’t like.” I flashed a grin and she smiled back at me.

“I think we should just get out…take in some fresh air..food…a stroll?” Her eyes were begging. Her eyes rolled up to the ceiling. “Hmm out door smoochies….” She trailed off, eye brows waggling.

I nodded, being stuck inside was doing neither of us any good, after all it had been a day and we’d seen no sign of anything unusual. Getting her to go change was a total battle of good against evil.

Our journey to the park was far more relaxed and after a few cautious stops we almost completely forgot about the excitement of previous days. We found a place under a large old oak tree and ate our lunch, unwinding and making jokes, which ventured into some fairly rude ones about Xander’s new ‘deluxe’ tool belt. We fought with limp sticks of celery, more jokes ensuing and settled back enjoying the peace and serenity.

I didn’t even notice the heavy storm clouds rolling in. A little drop of rain gracefully dropped on to my ankle and I looked up. We huddled up a little closer and the rain started to fall.

“Shoot!” Willow declared and curled herself around my arm just a little tighter. “Guess we’re stuck here then…Alone…Together…it’s awful.” I bit the inside of my cheek and tried not to laugh as she sighed. “Did I mention…Alone?”
“You’re right it’s terrible. Whatever shall we do to pass the time?” Willow didn’t even look in my direction but the smirk was already there.

“We could play I spy?” I helpfully suggested with a little movement of the shoulders.

She scowled and tilted her head. “I spy with my little eye…something beginning with…Y.T.S.W.M.”

My eyes went comically wide. “Whoa there, not a rocket scientist.” I commented pointing firmly to my brain. “Hmm…but I’ll play…mmm…Young. Trees. Saturated. With. Moisture?”

Willow grinned. “I’m impressed with your non rocket scientist brain…though you’re not right...”

“Oh really? I was sure I was close…hmm; I’ve overexerted my poor thinking cap with that bold manoeuvre though. So I’m going to have to give up.”

Willow jumped about with excitement and then leaned against the trunk of the tree. “You wanna know?”

I nodded.

“Yummy. Tara. Stranded. With. Me. So I propose that I’m sooo the winner and therefore – enough with the silly time occupying child games...” She leaned forward lowering her voice to more of a growl as she whispered in my ear. “And lets’ find something just a little more adult to be doing.” Without hesitation she began to trail little warm kisses across my neck.

I forgot about the rain, I forgot about the people dashing around trying to find shelter. I completely forgot about the excitement with our stalkers and quite frankly they could jump out of the bushes right now and I wouldn’t care. I was lost in my own personal Willow world. I no longer felt the chill that had accompanied the change in weather.

A flash of lightning followed immediately by a loud roar of thunder brought my attention back to the real world. Both Willow and I raised our heads to the sky, high above us lightning was dancing between the clouds. We stood.

“Conspiracy of interruptions...” Willow mumbled. “Even the damn weather’s at it now!”

The thunder was so deep it rumbled beneath our feet. “Okay, okay..I was just making an observation. No need to get cranky!”

I took a big breath. “Well isn’t this a funky storm?” I looked over and pointed vaguely back in the direction of the center of town. “And it seems to be our own private anomaly.” The sky was brilliant and sunny.

“Well it’s probably best to get out from under this tree then.” Willow suggested, with her eye still on the dancing lightning. We grabbed our things together and made a run out of the park and back into town. We were beginning to get drenched as the rain got impossibly heavier, our hair and clothes clinging to us. We walked around the corner and on to Main Street.

But it wasn’t here…

We were back facing the Park?!

“Did we just make ANY about turns?” Willow whispered

I just shook my head – somebody didn’t want us getting very far. We both turned back the other way and took a right down an alley opposite. And ended up by the Sun Cinema. I turned my head to look behind us. Something moved…It was the very same green flash I had seen in the gardens. There were almost certainly more this time. The ‘Lizard men’ scrambled from their hiding places. Each one, its beady black eyes following us as we carefully and respectfully backed away. Their tongues darted out testing the air.

I placed my body protectively between Willow and our new friends. “When I say…I want you to run...”

Willow shook her head. “Whatever the plan, we do it together…I’m not leaving your side.”

I squeezed her hand tightly and nodded. One of the lizards sniffed the air then looked directly at us. Willow swept her free hand from right to left pulling the dumpster from its resting place and colliding with the nearest creature, throwing it’s now limp form to the ground. The rest looked up and hissed.

“Okay, NOW we run!” I said as we hastily backed down the alley and out into the open, coming to a stop in front of the jewellery store. People passed us by with bewildered looks; we were soaked to the bone and gasping for oxygen. I turned my head back to the alley. There was nothing there. We made our way to the nearest safe haven. The Magic Box.

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Am I being stalked? [05 Jul 2003|09:37am]

[ mood | jubilant ]

I had full intention of just going to the Magic Box and coming home really quickly. Anytime I could avoid with Anya in the shop was really a good thing. I swear, no matter what, Anya finds a way to grate at my last nerve. I know somewhere in her heart still, she believes I'm going to take Xander. Hello, gay now!

So I went there with much trepidation. "Willow, you're here," Anya was counting money behind the cash register. "What do you want? I mean are you here just to wreak havoc again with my shop?"

I rolled my eyes. "No Anya, I'm here to actually do the things you love the most. Which is buy things from you."

She smiled. "Ok. Good, you may carry on then now."

I quirked a brow. "Oh well thanks. I don't need your permission to do anything," I walked over to the shelf that had all the jars of various kinds of herbs and incense.

She walked over to me. "Yes you do in my store. Giles warned me that you might go all magic crazy with the things. I know what you're capable of." I filled up the bag with some herbs.

I turned around. "You know Anya, I really grow tired of this. Why is it such a big deal to you that I'm buying things."

She sighed. "Because you'll do a spell and you'll want to steal Xander!"

I clutched the bag at my side. "You know what, this isn't even worth my time anymore. I don't want Xander! I mean not that Xander's not wantable, in a really wonderful way, but how many times do I have to tell you, GAY NOW!"

She backed away. "Well you don't have to scream it out. I mean being gay is a perfectly valid lifestyle. But you still can't have Xander."

I decided I had enough. "Ok why don't we just stick to what you really like and know which is money and me paying for these things."

I paid for the items and left the store. I couldn't believe all the things I really had to put up with with her.

So on my way home and such and as I was leaving the store I felt this really strange presence. Like I was being watched or something. I walked down the street and I could've felt so many eyes on me. I didn't know if I was being paranoid or what but it was like they were walking in step with me. I turned around and didn't see anyone. It was just the strangest thing ever. Ok maybe not so strange living in Sunnydale but I hurried as fast as I could because if something was really following me I sure as hell didn't want to know what it was.

I opened the front door to our place and put the bags down. "Hey baby, I'm home," I saw Tara playing with Miss Kitty. It was still really good to see Miss Kitty purring instead of pouncing on everyone in a bad way. I came up from behind and put my arms around her. "Miss me?" I whispered in her ears.

She put Miss Kitty down. "Always." She turned around and gave me a soft kiss. "Did you get everything from the shop? I see no blood was shed, which I'm guessing means that you didn't have to kill Anya?" I could see the gleam in Tara's eyes, a mischievous grin. "Oh no blood, but maybe next time. Goddess, I swear, she still thinks I'm going to try to steal Xander."

Tara couldn't help but giggle. "You mean you're not? I for one thought for sure you were and that I would have to run away completely."

"Oh come on Tara, it's so unfair what she says! Come on support gal here, you're supposed to be support girlfriend," I pouted.

"Oh Willow," she lifted my chin. "I was just kidding." She kissed me again. "I'm support girlfriend all the way. Even if that pout is what gets me all the time."

"Dealing with Anya wasn't even the worst part of the whole thing, it was coming home. I thought for sure I was being watched or followed baby. Like maybe I was just being paranoid but really, I don't think I was."
I sat down on our couch.

And then Tara proceeded to tell me about her experience with Mrs. Potter, who I guess we should be calling Gladys. Who knew anyway that our neighbor was actually very crafty. Here I thought she was just some mean old grumpy lady. But I guess now we have to keep a lookout. "Don't worry baby, I won't let anything happen to you. I promise," I reassured her.

"My Willow. My hero," she sat next to me, resting her head on my chest, smiling.

"Well I'm going to protect you, no matter what it is," I leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

She looked up at me and gave me one of those wide smiles. "I might need a lot of that."

"A lot of protecting?"

"No, a lot more kisses." And with that she bit her lip at me. Oh boy. That was it. "I think I can handle that."

And the rest of the afternoon, we kind of found all sorts of interesting things on the couch. Well interesting positions I guess. Hey we have an extra comfy couch!

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Time to breathe easy? [30 Jun 2003|04:22pm]

[ mood | giddy ]

I think I could possibly know as there is to know about Willow, she’s funny, caring, sensitive, she has a temper I’ve never seen matched by anyone..lol. She has love in her heart and her soul and she fights for the good guys without question. In the last few days, however, I’ve learnt so much more about her. Even at a younger age she was putting herself forward tirelessly to save the world, even ending up in hospital in a coma! She really always has been in the fray. I feel so special to have captured her heart and I’m not sure if she could ever know how precious she is to me.

Things have been pretty much getting back to normal round here, well as normal as things can be for two witches living on Hell Central. But you know what happens when you say things like that……

Willow had gone to pick up some supplies from the Magic Box, but not without many complaints about the impending whining of Anya. I think that those two are actually quite similar in nature. It may be a closely guarded secret but I actually like Anya quite alot – she never sugar coats the pill and she has a wonderful knack of making me laugh. She’s so peppy – I often wis…hmm let’s avoid that word… I often would like to be more like her. More forward, straight to the point. She likes to kick up storm for her own amusement. I kind find it funny when her and Willow have their exchange of stern words. Willow gets that aggressive streak going…mmm yummy, all Joan of Arc with the Ex demon metaphorical ass kicking, just give her a big ol’ sword. …Just trying out some more spicy talk...It’s really growing on me.

So anyway, Willow had gone to pick up some supplies and I was reading the newspaper at the kitchen table. Something caught my eye out of the window, so I put the paper down and got a little closer to the large window. I smiled seeing Kitty rolling around on the grass outside, she really is cute!

I continued watching her, stretching herself out and rolling about, occasionally lifting her paws to the heavens trying to snare bugs on their way past. She stopped, sitting up and looking toward the apartments, but she wasn’t looking up at me – she was looking towards the path and I followed her gaze. Mrs Potter emerged. Oh Goddess – here we go!

Something completely unbelievable happened right then, I watched through the pane totally transfixed to the scene unfolding, Kitty yawned and threw herself back onto her side. Mrs Potter approached, leant over….and then started tickling Miss Kitty’s tummy!! I knew it! I knew I knew, I don’t know how but I just knew it. Softy, big softy. Mrs Potter was petting our kitty cat without a care in the world. I couldn’t wait to for Willow to return, Just to see the look on her face when I told her.

In an instant they both turned to look at a rustling coming from the shrubs at the end of the garden, Kitty sprang to her feet and her ears went back, she started hissing at the movement. I heard an ‘Oh My’ from Mrs Potter before she staggered back a little. In a flash I was out the door and into the garden standing by our neighbor.

“What’s that?” she asked as she stepped a little closer to my side, I squinted – trying to shield my eyes from the sun as I tried to make out the figures hiding in the bushes.
I saw a flash of green scales but the disappeared as quickly as I had caught sight of them.
“Stay here.” I looked to Mrs Potter and she nodded. I edged forward to the dense vegetation and froze as I caught another glimpse of the figure hiding. I soon realised there were more than one of whatever they were lurking there. I had my hand in front of me, ready to discreetly cast if I needed to – what I was going to cast I hand no idea. But as I stepped forward once more the rustling became more intense and with a flash of green the creatures bolted over the fence. I turned back to Mrs Potter; she looked as white as a sheet. I placed my hand on her arm.

“Mrs Potter, are you okay? Maybe I should take you inside?” She was still staring at the fence, mouth slightly open.

“There was a report on the news this morning…T-t-two Iguanas escaped from their compound….last night.” I knew it was a terrible lie, but I was hoping she would buy it. She turned to me swallowed and then smiled a little at me.

“I knew we had Vampires here but I had no idea we also had creepy crawly things running around in the daytime as well!”

I eyes went wide, before I had even managed to mumble any kind of reply she spoke again. “Please honey, close your mouth – you’ll catch flies…I’ve lived here all my life…I know about things.” I slowly began to smile and nodded. See? Hell Central..Things happen, sometimes they are a lot more creepy than the average blood sucking fiend.

I turned to the fence and then back to Mrs Potter. “We should get inside, I have no idea what they were, but hiding in the bushes and Kitty hissing usually means these things aren’t too friendly.” I swallowed and turned around. “Are you okay Mrs Potter?”

Her grin widened. “I’m fine, call me Gladys…Well with nasty crawly things out it looks like the fire poker is coming back out of retirement.” I smiled and we both made our way back to the apartments. I walker her to her door.

“If you need anything, we’re across the hall okay?” I tipped my head to the side. She nodded at me, opened her door and stepped inside.

“Oh, make sure you tell Willow what you saw out there, don’t want anything happening to you girls now.” With that she closed the door behind her.

Sly old fox – she’s not half as daft as she made out to be. I opened our door and Kitty padded in before me. I wonder if Willow was having as strange day as I was?

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